I wrote a post, then received a challenger this is our diologe:

“Forget it, I am not that concerned with how my truth hurts your beliefs as I am at how your beliefs hurt the truth…”

Challenger, Subjective or objective truth?

Damien Marie AtHope, What about it are you asking, please restate your question? Thanks. Here is my blog post, “Grasping the status of truth (ontology of truth)”

http://damienmarieathope.com/2016/09/18/grasping-the-status-of-truth-ontology-of-truth/

Challenger, Questioning your meaning of the word “truth” that you used above. The second mention of the word to be exact, as the first mention is obviously suggestive.

Damien Marie AtHope, I posted my blog on the ontology of truth.

Challenger, I don’t care to read your blog, thanks anyway. I’m aware of the different types of “truth”.

Damien Marie AtHope, Cool.

Challenger, You’re good at shrugging people off, btw, experienced your talent at the Reason Rally also.

Damien Marie AtHope, Is that meant as a compliment or an Insite you feel should show me where I can improve as a person?

Challenger, I honestly wondered then, and I’m wondering again now if you’re just a billboard for yourself or an atheist activist. Just being perfectly honest, nothing more.

Damien Marie AtHope, Well I always welcome true correction if it is needed. And I will consider what you said and hear how you felt experiencing me. I always with to improve do thanks for bringing it to my attention.

Challenger, Simple questions can have simple answers. And it’s good to know who your fellow activists are.

Damien Marie AtHope, I hope to demonstrate with my life that I want to make a positive impact on the world as much as I can.

Challenger, Well that was a great generic blow-by. And for me three strikes you’re out. Have a nice evening.

Damien Marie AtHope, Challenger I appreciate your support and helpful critique. I wish you a wonderful night.

Challenger, Um ok, haha. Have you ever talked to a call center person that is clearly reading a script and doesn’t seem to realize they can veer from it? Nvrmnd, night. Ooh, it’s maybe more like asking questions from a beauty queen. Not sure which is more accurate now, hmmm. Sorry, just having some late night fun.

Damien Marie AtHope, Interesting can you give me more detailed information please so I can get what you think I need to work towards.

Challenger, HAHA! Is this Damien, or the person handling his calls? Lol

Damien Marie AtHope, It’s me you met me at a event to which I met with 80 fans. I was on fire and was likely over the top and when I am that way I can tend to be somewhat thoughtless of the needs of others while I am trying to get my ideas across. I do need to work on this and I am

Challenger, Perfectionist?

Damien Marie AtHope, Am I a perfectionist? Well, t Is a act of protection attainable in a singular and well defined set? Yes. I largest see us as trying to find a state of equilibrium that even if for an instance it is reached it is just as quickly overturn and the battle is back again working for more calm in life’s storm.

Challenger, Omg, who ARE you? Am I the only person who thinks your responses are uncannily canned? Lol Srsly, are you for real? Do you always talk like this? “Is a act of protection attainable in a singular and well defined set? Yes.” What does this even mean?! I clearly need to take a class or something. Didn’t intend on ridicule here, but the statements have been so robotic here that I just couldn’t help myself. Especially because it’s the middle of the night and I’m delirious, it’s so hilarious haha!

Damien Marie AtHope, Right on. \m/

Challenger, Damien, I’m guessing I’m not the first person to bring up this strangeness about how you talk?

Damien Marie AtHope, To answer your question Tally Cass I have been told all my life I need to be more aware of others in society and managed my behavior intensity and thoughtless towards others. I have had individual, marriage, family, and group counseling. I have overcome a life of destruction and been working my way to a new normal where not only do I stop intentionally hurting people I needed to start truly helping others. Am I great at it always no not really. I have had to going from a feeling as a 15-year-old full of hate and rage and out to find trouble I was a problem where I went as I was out to have fun. I am far from the self-child but sadly I am still him. I am a product of myself experience and actions. Therefore, I wish to champion worthy efforts and there can hardly be more worthy efforts then self-improvement.

Challenger, I’m hearing Nike’s slogan in my head right now…  lol

Damien Marie AtHope, can give you a video where I fully explain it, Well not fully it’s dark mean and sad it’s truly sad. I cry for the hurting child I was.

Damien Marie AtHope, I have experienced the following forms of child abuse:

*Physical

*Sexual

*Psychological

*Starvation

*Improperly clothed

*Unsheltered

*Abandoned

*Punched

*Extreme spanking

*Hit with a 2 x 4, braking both my tail bone and my inner being turning me rage. I was the beaten animal pushed into the final corner and I was going try and kill anyone who got in my way or threatens me at all. I am not that person to say. But the dark post cards of my heart are not blank they sing deep of my unworthiness my failure to even be human. I was ones less than nothing. I think I can say how I see you what I want to do is to champion the war on ignorance, selfishness aggression and indifference. I will now try and say what I see as my life goals. Just think if a military service person were to say they think, I want to live my life for others and even am writing to die for them we call that a hero. I want to be such a hero for kindness. When I was young, I valued and longed for power as I developed I saw the power in knowledge and longed for development of intelligence. Now that I have gained knowledge, I see with the value of wisdom and it is me that has developed for I understand that my greatest power is kindness. My life as a child and my life now can be summed up in three words:

*As a Child: hurt, hate, and harm.

*As an Adult: openness, hope, and kindness.

Here is a poem/liter to my abusive father:

“Father is an “F” word”

(content warning: Child Abuse Subject)

Father…

Do you hear me I want you to understand what I went through and how you’re parenting affected me and what it produced? So, you can understand what I want you need to make amends for. Not that you ever will…. You may have had the title may have even been my father but you were never my DAD.

I felt fear as a child because of you…

I had to steal to eat as a child because of you…

I felt stupid as a child because of you…

I had to eat dog food as a child because of you…

I had to go to the bathroom outside like a dog as a child because of you…

I felt shame as a child because of you…

I had to break into my home house as a child because of you…

I hated christians as a child from birth until 15 because of you…

I had no friends as a child because of you…

I was unsafe as a child because of you…

I felt unlovable as a child because of you…

I felt everything I did was wrong as a child because of you…

I was humiliated for who I was as a child because of you…

I felt alone because you had babysitters for my brother and sister and not me as a child because of you…

I learned to value hate over love as a child because of you…

I felt mistrust as a child because of you…

I was abused as a child because of you…

I was neglected as a child because of you…

I was abandoned as a child because of you…

I was misused made to be your masseur and slave as a child because of you…

I felt I could never be good enough as a child because of you…

I was made into a secondary dad to my siblings and punished for their wrongs as a child because of you…

I never knew love from my father but I did understand hurt as a child because of you…

I lost my sweet innocence as a child because of you…

I feared life more than death as a child because of you…

Instead of looking into my father’s eyes and seeing love I saw selfish darkness…

You committed many sins against me but most of all your biggest problem is you are selfishness. I think that has more to do with why you committed such atrocities and have the problems still today.

So, FUCK You for fucking up me…

p.s. This is vary heartfelt and raw for me, it is me talking to the fucker that was my father but never a dad. I have not talked to you in 20. In my life, I was extremely abused physically, mentally, abandoned, neglected, starved, etc. etc. I have overcome a lot, had much counseling but I never got to say “FUCK YOU.” YOUR son!!!!!

Here is poem I wrote in my late teens full of rage and pain,

“Rage”

Burning black,

Hold tight for the heart attack.

Slit wrist to a new time.

Clotted thoughts,

Do it now!

Take the night watch as the tables turn.

Hold tight for the heart attack.

Burning black,

Push me back, past is too close, future is too far.

Feel the back stab,

Slid to a time cold as a slab.

I fear you.

Now you, will Fear me.

Steal me, spit me out.

I just come back again.

Burning black, hold tight for a heart attack.

Suffocating on you.

Now your Choking on me.

New rush, flush it all.

See my eyes, fear the lies ahead,

But watch your back.

When others show us their humility, one is set to comparison; which lingers in one’s mind, like the sweetness of Honey, so to, is such character a furthering of honest shared connectedness. An example of self-love, is my desire to master self.

I then decided to posted this message on my timeline to the public:

I was challenged that they did not think I was a real activist so I ask you as I am very open to hear from others as I desire a life of self-improvement. So, the question is this your impressions of me? Thanks for your help.

*Wendy responded, I think that you are 100% activist. Almost everything you do is to advance a good cause. That’s activism in my book.

*Michael responded, I see the steps you take both online and off to help others, that’s the definition of activism to me

*Mike responded, I’ve seen where you have spoke at gathering outside or at an event by what you have shared. I’ve seen post after post about religions and indoctrination. You have taught me different things about different religions that in all honesty was to lazy to look into myself. I think you are an activist. Because you put yourself out there to be critiqued by both those who agree and those who disagree with you. All you ask is for honest and open dialogue and let facts and logic guide you.

*Dianna responded, That is not at all my impression. Always remember that you are under no obligation to prove yourself to anyone. You know who you are and the good work that you do.

*Kimberley responded, Ok…as always…who are THEY??? And they need prey tell their definition of an activist. In my atheist eyes….you my friend are 100% activist. You travel everywhere you can…you need a clone. Very proud as I view all your photo’s. Making a statement. Badass my friend.

*Pedro responded, Damien, why I like you is you think outside the box.

Then the Challenger responded on there too, I didn’t think you were a real person. Felt like talking to someone holding your place while the real you went to take a leak or something haha. Maybe your personality just doesn’t mesh well with mine, sorry.

Damien Marie Athope I am trying to mesh well with you. 🙂

Challenger, And please dear God stop with the self improvement obsession. Life’s too short man, just accept yourself flaws and all and be happy.

Damien Marie Athope I wish to help others and myself, so I will not stop who I am. I am trying to both understand and do try to help everyone if I can. I of course am not always good and I fail again and again. However, I am a person on a journey to self-improvement so I know I should try to see me through the eyes of others so I can improve my interaction prosaically as I have a mental health issues of being a high functioning sociopath do to extreme child abuse by the hands of religious fanatics. I have had counseling on an of sense I was about 13. So, I don’t deny you may be right. Well I earnestly wish to apologize to you, as I don’t want to make people feel disregarded.

Challenger, I never said I felt disregarded. No need to apologize either. Message me please, I’d like to hear more about your story if you get a chance, thanks. I write songs on the subject of atheism fyi.

Damien Marie AtHope, Thanks, for your interest and kindness. You inspired this ideas in me: One’s character is not proven by posting about it. Rather, it is a moving road the journey we must walk the question I asked myself was am I one of the ones helping or the ones hurting. I want a character so high it fights with people against me if I am in error. Long live emotional intelligence.

Challenger, I don’t know if there is a such thing as emotional intelligence, lol but okay okay. night.

Damien Marie AtHope, Emotional Intelligence: http://www.danielgoleman.info/topics/emotional-intelligence/

*Then Randy responded, What else could you call it if not activism?

Then the Challenger responded to Randy response, Not much if you take it personally. If you don’t then things come to mind like complacency for example.

Damien Marie AtHope, Challenger “complacency”, that is the most confused statement about me yet, you obviously don’t get me, even though I tried. it’s cool. Hell, I get we all are different, so it’s all good. 😀

I will end with this poem:

“Change”

Sitting back,

I realize all the bad I have done.

I am sorry for all the people I hurt,

For I am not a mean man.

I am sorry for the lives I have ruined,

For I am not an evil man.

Sorry to everyone in life,

For all the wrongs, I have done.

I ask the world for forgiveness!

Sitting back,

I now realize all the bad I have done.

I can change!

And I will.

 

The Challenger continued later, I can see that you have and continue to work hard to be a better person, and I commend that. I’m very different than you in how I approach humans, the world, and life in general as I’m pessimistic by nature. Thanks for sharing your story, it gave me some things to think about. I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors and i hope you continue to heal and one day recover fully from your childhood wounds. I can see why you have an unusual level of self-perfection, but please don’t forget that you’re human and it’s okay to make mistakes.  P.S. Ever think about writing a book about your life story?

Damien Marie AtHope, I am an artist, writer, poet, philosopher. and psychological as I have a BA in Psychology/ with Sociology.

Challenger, That’s a hefty job title there. Kudos!

Damien Marie AtHope, I have a strong self-concept so I am not as effected by a need to change.

Challenger, The abuse I suffered by far pales in comparison, but I sympathies with your struggle very much. I especially took home your words about how you try to look outside yourself instead of being selfish. I need much work on that.

Damien Marie AtHope, I have worked with intercity kid’s in poverty and brokers home in an educational after school program to big brother and big sister them. I want to in a symbolic way give my life to the world to try and make a positive difference.

Challenger, forgive my blatant and sleepy brain, but that sounds like a form of suicide to me. Seems like you’ve found a socially acceptable way to abuse yourself. Can you live with yourself if you were just living life and making mistakes?

Damien Marie AtHope, no to me it’s altering the dark past to something brute and connected. I enjoyed my life for the first time as a child I was so lost.

Challenger, you seem similar to a religious person in the sense that they are living in a state of guilt and worry about behaving perfect for God, except you’re perfect requirement is being handed down by yourself.

Damien Marie AtHope, I only have naturalism and humanity.

Challenger, If requiring yourself to be so “good” makes you happy, then please continue.

Damien Marie AtHope, I am not just other love no I am quite good at self-love as well. If issues come up I try to honestly address them as immediately as I can. That can be harder than it sounds but the cause of humanity it so worthy to me now. An example of self-love us my desire to master self. I am always open if I have time. You are a valuable person and you are a good person. Ok, I fully understand go be a good person and thank you for being so. Childhood should not be a time of hurt and the inward prison to a new freeness without hurt so they can flourish. I have a blog post on Secular or Atheist parenting if you want to check it out.

Damien Marie AtHope, Atheist Parenting: Atheist Parenting (Info & Resources)

Challenger, I read your stuff to my spouse, we really like your poems. Thanks. Gonna watch your story with him too now.

Damien Marie AtHope, Right on, I have a goal the make the world a better place as much as I can. Here are some thoughts on that:

“Once I was wrong.”

Once I was wrong. And then wrong again. In fact, I have been wrong all my life. One has not found truth if they believe that they are never wrong. I am sure this plague of my side bias is a fantastic way of not learning new truth; if truth matters to you? Dear thinkers, welcome your being completely shown to be wrong, as who wants to spend another second believing a lie. You don’t honestly want to believe lies or half-truths do you?