(((Warning contains violence, animal harm, and child abuse)))
Here are the three traumatic things my father did to me:
!. THE CHRISTMAS TREE EVENT
My extremely religious fanatic father in a fit of rage and religious anger because my mom dared to buy a Christmas tree and celebrate a pagan holiday like Christmas in his godly home, my father took a long hatchet or an ax (I can’t quite remember which) and Chopped up the Christmas tree with lights and ornaments on it and presents under the tree. I was around 6 years old, just to add a reference. I actually thought he was next going to hurt my mom or us too, it was terrifying. I was not sure if someone was going to get killed next, he was in such a religious rage. Then with the strings of lights dragging across the floor and ornaments rolling everywhere, he crammed parts of the tree into our fireplace. All three of us kids and my mom where crying but my mom begged him at too least save the presents, saying we can give them out on a different day, PLEASE. He calmed just a bit for a fleeting moment and conceded to only save them to not waste money. The smell was strong coming from the fireplace with the thick smoke of undried wood and pine nettles in the air. Speaking of pine nettles, they were popping out of the fireplace and starting small poofs of fire on the carpet below. now I feared the house burning as hot as my father’s religious rage. So, then I cried out to him father please put out the fire it is going to cause the carpet to burn and could burn down the house. He turned to look at me with the long hatchet or an ax. As he turned to me I say his eyes and felt cold run through me, as he had an evil glint in his eyes like saying, “what would make that a bad thing” but then he seemed to catch some amount of sanity and started rushing to stop the fire that threatened to kill us all.
2. The End OF THE CAT
My father was mad at my sister and got his bow and arrow, gathering us kids into the back yard to be taught a lesson of following his orders, I was around 8 or 9 years old just for reference. I thought in terror one of us was going to be harmed or killed I feared deeply for my sister. There we were my brother 5 years younger, my sister 2 years younger and me standing in a line my father stood a few feet away. Next, he pulled back the bow and arrow and the terror increased he looked at us all individually, my brother and sister were shaking I told them don’t look as my father said I am now going to shoot my sister’s cat. My sister was screaming, “NO, please don’t kill her” while she closed her eyes tight to not see my father’s inhumanity. My eyes were open while hers were closed then to my horror my father with evil glee shot the cat. It went halfway then the cat took off running, scampering up over the fence and disappeared screaming. My father laughed and I feared and hated him even more than I ever had before. He was a monster.
3. The 2 X 4 SPANKING
I was around 7 or 8 years old just for reference. My father and his friends were at the table. I was playing under the table because they were avoiding me, and I wanted them to play they had been reading the bible for hours and I had nothing to do. My extremely religious fanatic father was a would not let us have almost any toys nor could we listen to the radio if it was not his religious shows nor tv at all but one hour a week for a nature show called Mutual of Omaha’s Wild Kingdom. Nor could we go to a friend’s house or have friends over either as he wanted to ensure nothing not religious occurred. A side note we did not celebrate any holidays nether was a big deal made on our birthdays either as my father said all that takes away from glorifying god and acting if a human was in some way special. Back to me under the table, I started taping the men on the legs then scampering away so they could not get me. Doing this I only little more than a few hand swats. They were too busy reading bible verses. So, I started hitting them in the legs than one in the crotch. I did not realize how much that hurt I was just playing rough to be noticed. The man yelped and stood up my father asked what happened he said your sun hit my crotch but don’t worry about it he is just a kid I don’t think he was trying to hurt me he has been hitting our legs playing with us for attention. My father said no he must learn, and I am going to hurt him, so he never does that again. He grabbed my arm hard pulling me into the garage saying I am going to spank you good raging with anger. He had a long wooden paddle he hit me with almost every other day. He was out of control he had me pull down my pants and bend over. I was crying and shaking in terror. He hit me hard a few times then slammed the paddle into a worktable breaking it. I then thought ok it’s over I was punished and now he broke the paddle. No, he was far from done hitting me he had just started. He was even angrier as it broke. Saying don’t think you are now going to get it easy or something like that. He said that old paddle was too soft of a wood good thing I have been working on an Oak one but haven’t had a chance to test it out yet so you of the three children get to experience it first. I was trembling and already in pain from the hits he had already one. I cried please no but he haply hit me, again and again, each time switching to hit the table with a terrorizing crack saying see this is way better wood. I don’t know how many times he did this, 5 to 8 times, I guess. Then it cracked and was broken too from hitting the worktable. He was even angrier his beloved new paddle. I was sobbing and falling to the ground in pain and fear, thinking what now! He said to get back up there I am not done with you yet. I was scared out of my wits what was he going to use now then I saw his eyes land on a baseball bat size of 2×4. My heart dropped. He said I am going to use this 2×4 on you and then you will get what you deserve. He hit me and I could hear it cutting the air all the way until it slammed into my rear and upper legs the 2 or so times before my hands went up as the pain was so extreme, like being burned, This was until I in terror put my hands over my rear to shield myself. It was involuntary to protect myself as much as I could. Then the 2×4 slammed into my hands and they almost went numb with pain. He was enraged, saying get your hands out of there then swung higher I will just hit somewhere else that is when with a crack he broke my tailbone and end of my sacrum in my lowest part of my back at the end of my spine it was the most excruciating pain I had ever experienced in my life I feel to the floor in sheer agony shaking like a dying thing. He looked down at me holding the 2×4 in his hand like a bat saying I guess now you have had enough I hope you learned your lesson. I to this day at 48 still feel pain in my tailbone and end of my sacrum. I have had to pain shots to help elevate this, but I have never healed right.
Positive Parenting and Atheist Parenting Info
Spanking Debate: Positive vs. Negative Discipline
I am Anti Spanking
Father is an “F” word
Ho Father…
I want you to understand what I went through and how your parenting affected me and what it produced. So you can understand what I want is your shame and what evil you need to make amends for.
You may have been my father but you were never my DAD.
I felt fear as a child because of you.
I had to steal to eat as a child because of you.
I felt stupid as a child because of you.
I had to eat dog food as a child because of you.
I had to go to the bathroom outside like a dog as a child because of you.
I felt shame as a child because of you.
I had to break into my own house as a child because of you.
I had no friends as a child because of you.
I was made unsafe as a child because of you.
I felt unlovable as a child because of you.
I felt everything I did was wrong as a child because of you.
I felt mistrust as a child because of you, wrong as a child because of you.
I was humiliated for who I was as a child because of you.
I felt alone because you had babysitters for my brother and sister and not me as a child because of you.
I learned to value hate over love as a child because of you.
I was abused as a child because of you.
I was neglected as a child because of you.
I was abandoned as a child because of you, you took me to a store and intentionally left me.
I was misused made to be your masseur and slave as a child because of you.
I felt I could never be good enough as a child because of you.
I was made into a secondary dad to my siblings and punished for their wrongs as a child because of you.
I never knew love from my father but I did understand hurt as a child because of you.
I lost my sweet innocence as a child because of you.
I feared life more than death at times as a child because of you.
Instead of looking into my father’s eyes and seeing love, I saw selfish darkness.
You committed many sins against me but most of all your biggest problem is you are selfishness. I think that has more to do with why you committed such atrocities and have the problems still today.
so FUCK You for fucking up me…
In my life, I was rapidly abuse, spanked, hit physically, lacked shelter and medically neglected, not properly clothed, emotionally and psychologically abused, abandoned, severely neglected, starved, etc. etc. etc.
I have overcome a lot, had much counseling but I never got to say FUCK YOU ex-father. You didn’t win. I have….
YOUR ex-son
p.s. This is very heartfelt and raw for me, it is me talking to the fucker that was my father but never a dad. I have not talked to him intentionally for about 20-30 or so years and look to fucking piss on his grave when he dies…
While hallucinogens are associated with shamanism, it is alcohol that is associated with paganism.
The Atheist-Humanist-Leftist Revolutionaries Shows in the prehistory series:
Show two: Pre-animism 300,000 years old and animism 100,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism”
Show tree: Totemism 50,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism”
Show four: Shamanism 30,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism”
Show five: Paganism 12,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism”
Show six: Emergence of hierarchy, sexism, slavery, and the new male god dominance: Paganism 7,000-5,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism” (Capitalism) (World War 0) Elite and their slaves!
Prehistory: related to “Anarchism and Socialism” the division of labor, power, rights, and recourses: VIDEO
Pre-animism 300,000 years old and animism 100,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism”: VIDEO
Totemism 50,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism”: VIDEO
Shamanism 30,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism”: VIDEO
Paganism 12,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism” (Pre-Capitalism): VIDEO
Paganism 7,000-5,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism” (Capitalism) (World War 0) Elite and their slaves: VIEDO
Paganism 5,000 years old: progressed organized religion and the state: related to “Anarchism and Socialism” (Kings and the Rise of the State): VIEDO
Paganism 4,000 years old: related to “Anarchism and Socialism” (First Moralistic gods, then the Origin time of Monotheism): VIEDO
I do not hate simply because I challenge and expose myths or lies any more than others being thought of as loving simply because of the protection and hiding from challenge their favored myths or lies.
The truth is best championed in the sunlight of challenge.
An archaeologist once said to me “Damien religion and culture are very different”
My response, So are you saying that was always that way, such as would you say Native Americans’ cultures are separate from their religions? And do you think it always was the way you believe?
I had said that religion was a cultural product. That is still how I see it and there are other archaeologists that think close to me as well. Gods too are the myths of cultures that did not understand science or the world around them, seeing magic/supernatural everywhere.
I personally think there is a goddess and not enough evidence to support a male god at Çatalhöyük but if there was both a male and female god and goddess then I know the kind of gods they were like Proto-Indo-European mythology.
This series idea was addressed in, Anarchist Teaching as Free Public Education or Free Education in the Public: VIDEO
Our 12 video series: Organized Oppression: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of power (9,000-4,000 years ago), is adapted from: The Complete and Concise History of the Sumerians and Early Bronze Age Mesopotamia (7000-2000 BC): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=szFjxmY7jQA by “History with Cy“
Show #1: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power (Samarra, Halaf, Ubaid)
Show #2: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power
Show #3: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power (Uruk and the First Cities)
Show #4: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power (First Kings)
Show #5: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power (Early Dynastic Period)
Show #6: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power
Show #7: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power (Sargon and Akkadian Rule)
Show #9: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power (Gudea of Lagash and Utu-hegal)
Show #12: Mesopotamian State Force and the Politics of Power (Aftermath and Legacy of Sumer)
The “Atheist-Humanist-Leftist Revolutionaries”
Cory Johnston ☭ Ⓐ Atheist Leftist @Skepticallefty & I (Damien Marie AtHope) @AthopeMarie (my YouTube & related blog) are working jointly in atheist, antitheist, antireligionist, antifascist, anarchist, socialist, and humanist endeavors in our videos together, generally, every other Saturday.
Why Does Power Bring Responsibility?
Think, how often is it the powerless that start wars, oppress others, or commit genocide? So, I guess the question is to us all, to ask, how can power not carry responsibility in a humanity concept? I know I see the deep ethical responsibility that if there is power their must be a humanistic responsibility of ethical and empathic stewardship of that power. Will I be brave enough to be kind? Will I possess enough courage to be compassionate? Will my valor reach its height of empathy? I as everyone, earns our justified respect by our actions, that are good, ethical, just, protecting, and kind. Do I have enough self-respect to put my love for humanity’s flushing, over being brought down by some of its bad actors? May we all be the ones doing good actions in the world, to help human flourishing.
I create the world I want to live in, striving for flourishing. Which is not a place but a positive potential involvement and promotion; a life of humanist goal precision. To master oneself, also means mastering positive prosocial behaviors needed for human flourishing. I may have lost a god myth as an atheist, but I am happy to tell you, my friend, it is exactly because of that, leaving the mental terrorizer, god belief, that I truly regained my connected ethical as well as kind humanity.
Cory and I will talk about prehistory and theism, addressing the relevance to atheism, anarchism, and socialism.
At the same time as the rise of the male god, 7,000 years ago, there was also the very time there was the rise of violence, war, and clans to kingdoms, then empires, then states. It is all connected back to 7,000 years ago, and it moved across the world.
Cory Johnston: https://damienmarieathope.com/2021/04/cory-johnston-mind-of-a-skeptical-leftist/?v=32aec8db952d
The Mind of a Skeptical Leftist (YouTube)
Cory Johnston: Mind of a Skeptical Leftist @Skepticallefty
The Mind of a Skeptical Leftist By Cory Johnston: “Promoting critical thinking, social justice, and left-wing politics by covering current events and talking to a variety of people. Cory Johnston has been thoughtfully talking to people and attempting to promote critical thinking, social justice, and left-wing politics.” http://anchor.fm/skepticalleft
Cory needs our support. We rise by helping each other.
Cory Johnston ☭ Ⓐ @Skepticallefty Evidence-based atheist leftist (he/him) Producer, host, and co-host of 4 podcasts @skeptarchy @skpoliticspod and @AthopeMarie
Damien Marie AtHope (“At Hope”) Axiological Atheist, Anti-theist, Anti-religionist, Secular Humanist. Rationalist, Writer, Artist, Poet, Philosopher, Advocate, Activist, Psychology, and Armchair Archaeology/Anthropology/Historian.
Damien is interested in: Freedom, Liberty, Justice, Equality, Ethics, Humanism, Science, Atheism, Antiteism, Antireligionism, Ignosticism, Left-Libertarianism, Anarchism, Socialism, Mutualism, Axiology, Metaphysics, LGBTQI, Philosophy, Advocacy, Activism, Mental Health, Psychology, Archaeology, Social Work, Sexual Rights, Marriage Rights, Woman’s Rights, Gender Rights, Child Rights, Secular Rights, Race Equality, Ageism/Disability Equality, Etc. And a far-leftist, “Anarcho-Humanist.”
I am not a good fit in the atheist movement that is mostly pro-capitalist, I am anti-capitalist. Mostly pro-skeptic, I am a rationalist not valuing skepticism. Mostly pro-agnostic, I am anti-agnostic. Mostly limited to anti-Abrahamic religions, I am an anti-religionist.
To me, the “male god” seems to have either emerged or become prominent around 7,000 years ago, whereas the now favored monotheism “male god” is more like 4,000 years ago or so. To me, the “female goddess” seems to have either emerged or become prominent around 11,000-10,000 years ago or so, losing the majority of its once prominence around 2,000 years ago due largely to the now favored monotheism “male god” that grow in prominence after 4,000 years ago or so.
My Thought on the Evolution of Gods?
Animal protector deities from old totems/spirit animal beliefs come first to me, 13,000/12,000 years ago, then women as deities 11,000/10,000 years ago, then male gods around 7,000/8,000 years ago. Moralistic gods around 5,000/4,000 years ago, and monotheistic gods around 4,000/3,000 years ago.
Damien Marie AtHope (Said as “At” “Hope”)/(Autodidact Polymath but not good at math):
Axiological Atheist, Anti-theist, Anti-religionist, Secular Humanist, Rationalist, Writer, Artist, Jeweler, Poet, “autodidact” Philosopher, schooled in Psychology, and “autodidact” Armchair Archaeology/Anthropology/Pre-Historian (Knowledgeable in the range of: 1 million to 5,000/4,000 years ago). I am an anarchist socialist politically. Reasons for or Types of Atheism
My Website, My Blog, & Short-writing or Quotes, My YouTube, Twitter: @AthopeMarie, and My Email: damien.marie.athope@gmail.com