What is traditional? Marriage and Family in the Ancient past, may be wilder than you Think!

Damien Marie AtHope’s Art

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Mythical Family/Fairytale Marriages

“Popular wisdom and standard social attitudes as transmitted in folk tales may show a matter-of-fact acceptance of the universality of marriage in a variety of manifestations. Folk-tales can feature marriage (labelled as such) between species, including humans – compare versions of the tale of the Frog Prince.” ref

MYSTICAL MARRIAGE

“Mystical marriage or spiritual marriage (also espousal to Christ) is a figure used to denote the state of a human soul living intimately united to God through grace and love. In a broad sense, mystical marriage is applicable to all unions of souls loved by God and drawn to Him, as in the case of virgins solemnly consecrated, religious in vows, and all other souls espoused to Christ (2 Cor 11.2). More properly, and in a more restricted sense, mystical marriage refers to what is recognized in mystical theology as a “transforming” union between a soul and God, requiring extraordinary graces, and to which God calls only a few particularly privileged persons, e.g., SS. John of the Cross and Teresa of Avila. The latter (Interior Castle, 7 Mansions, ch. 2) and the former (Spir. Cant., stanzas 12–27) recognize the “transforming” (permanent) union as distinct from and higher than mere spiritual betrothal (transitory). Mystical marriage constitutes a consummate union of love; a total possession, a fusion of “lives”—the soul is made one with God, made divine, by participation, without losing its identity.” ref

“It is a total union involving the transformation of the substance of the soul by sanctifying grace, and the transformation of the faculties by divine light and love (Ascent of Mt. Carmel 2, 5, 6). The initiative in this matter and the choice of souls to whom this union is granted belong to Christ. It is permeated with His transcendence; its action and effects are of the Holy Spirit. Though this union is not of its own will, the soul “adheres to Christ with all its strength; lives for Him; allows itself to be ruled by Him,” according to St. Bernard of Clairvaux (In Cant. Serm. 85,12). It is a union that comprises the elements of a certain continuous awareness of the presence of the Divine Spouse; a consciousness of His assistance in the higher operation of intellect and will. These and other characteristics notwithstanding, we find St. Teresa admitting that she did not know with what to compare it—since it is so sublime a favor and brings the soul such great delight (7 Mansions ).” ref

“The model of mystical marriage is the union of the Humanity of Christ with the Verbum—a union perfect in charity and absolute in continuity. Mary, the Bride of Christ par excellence, is its greatest exemplar in this life. The figure of marriage significantly portrays that intimate union of a completely dedicated soul (bride) to Christ (Bridegroom). Its basis is found in Holy Scripture e.g., marriage was a common image of the union of Yahweh and His people Israel (Hos 2.19). It was a figure familiar to the Fathers of the Church. St. Ambrose referred to consecrated virgins as “married to God” (De Virg., I, c.8, n.52). Jesus called Himself the “Bridegroom” (Mt9.15); and St. Paul writes: “For I betrothed you to one spouse” [Christ] (2 Cor 11.2).” ref

“Mystical marriage is always related to the mystery of Redemption, which was accomplished objectively through the Redeemer, Christ the Bridegroom; and is realized subjectively in the soul-bride, through Baptism and sanctification. Redemption enters into the very essence of mystical marriage; it gives it a salvific value. In this life, it bestows upon the soul in “transforming” union, a “taste” of the joy of consummated love with her Divine Bridegroom in the Beatific Vision (Rv 21.2).” ref

Marriage Deities?

“Marriage goddesses: Atahensic, Dea Viriplaca, Frigg, Hebe (mythology), Hera, Huayue Sanniang, Juno (mythology), Kushinadahime, Lofn, Nüwa, Parvati, Persephone, Sati (Hindu goddess), Sif, Uni (mythology), and Venus Verticordia.” ref

“Marriage gods: Khoriphaba and Tritopatores.” ref

“Sacred (symbolic ritual) Marriage”

“Hieros gamos, (from Ancient Greek: ἱερός, romanized: hieros, lit. ‘holy, sacred’ and γάμος gamos ‘marriage’) or hierogamy (Ancient Greek: ἱερὸς γάμος, ἱερογαμία ‘holy marriage’) is a sacred marriage that takes place between gods, especially when enacted in a symbolic ritual where human participants represent the deities. The notion of hieros gamos does not always presuppose literal sexual intercourse in ritual, but is also used in purely symbolic or mythological contexts, notably in alchemy and hence in Jungian psychology. Hieros gamos is described as the prototype of fertility rituals.” ref

“Sacred sexual intercourse is thought to have been common in the Ancient Near East as a form of “Sacred Marriage” or hieros gamos between the kings of a Sumerian city-state and the High Priestesses of Inanna, the Sumerian goddess of love, fertility and warfare. Along the Tigris and Euphrates rivers there were many shrines and temples dedicated to Inanna. The temple of Eanna, meaning “house of heaven” in Uruk was the greatest of these. The temple housed Nadītu, priestesses of the goddess. The high priestess would choose for her bed a young man who represented the shepherd Dumuzid, consort of Inanna, in a hieros gamos celebrated during the annual Duku ceremony, just before Invisible Moon, with the autumn Equinox (Autumnal Zag-mu Festival).” ref

“In Greek mythology, the classic instance is the wedding of Zeus and Hera celebrated at the Heraion of Samos, along with its architectural and cultural predecessors. Some scholars would restrict the term to reenactments, but most accept its extension to a real or simulated union in the promotion of fertility: such an ancient union of Demeter with Iasion, enacted in a thrice-ploughed furrow, a primitive aspect of a sexually-active Demeter reported by Hesiod, occurred in Crete, origin of much early Greek myth. In actual cultus, Walter Burkert found the Greek evidence “scanty and unclear”: “To what extent such a sacred marriage was not just a way of viewing nature, but an act expressed or hinted at in ritual is difficult to say.” ref

“The best-known ritual example surviving in classical Greece is the hieros gamos enacted at the Anthesteria by the wife of the Archon basileus, the “Archon King” in Athens, originally therefore the queen of Athens, with Dionysus, presumably represented by his priest or the basileus himself, in the Boukoleion in the Agora. The brief fertilizing mystical union engenders Dionysus, and doubled unions, of a god and of a mortal man on one night, result, through telegony, in the semi-divine nature of Greek heroes such as Theseus and Heracles.” ref

“In Tantric Buddhism of Nepal, Bhutan, India, and Tibet, yab-yum is a ritual of the male deity in union with a female deity as his consort. The symbolism is associated with Anuttarayoga tantra where the male figure is usually linked to compassion (karuṇā) and skillful means (upāya-kauśalya), and the female partner to ‘insight’ or ‘wisdom’ (prajñā). Yab-yum is generally understood to represent the primordial (or mystical) union of wisdom and compassion.” ref

“Maithuna is a Sanskrit term used in Tantra most often translated as sexual union in a ritual context. It is the most important of the five Panchamakara and constitutes the main part of the Grand Ritual of Tantra variously known as Panchamakara, Panchatattva, and Tattva Chakra. The symbolism of union and polarity is a central teaching in Tantric Buddhism, especially in Tibet. The union is realized by the practitioner as a mystical experience within one’s own body.” ref

“In Wicca, the Great Rite is a ritual based on the Hieros Gamos. It is generally enacted symbolically by a dagger (known as an athame) being placed point first into a chalice, the action symbolizing the union of the male and female divine. In British Traditional Wicca, the Great Rite is sometimes carried out in actuality by the High Priest and High Priestess.” ref

Consorts and Offspring of Deities

“SUMERIAN CONSORT“

“The Consorts of Deities are often the beings that “helped” to generate other beings, these beings being His offspring, a offspring that comes directly from Him, different from beings like humans who were generated through the evolutionary process of Gaia. A Deity can be an Omnificent entity, being able to literally create anything out of 「 」 and give it a definition. However, a deity is also generated from their own body extensions (emanations, avatars, shards, or fragments) of the unfathomable Self, and some of these extensions eventually created their own pantheons, relating to other claimed deities and spirit beings or to each other, causing even the Abrahamic God to indirectly have various consorts and descendants.” ref

Consorts of Mesopotamia deities

Consorts of Hindu deities

Consorts of Greek deities

Code of Hammurabi on Marriage?

“Hammurabi’s Law on Family Relationships was developed in order to protect every member in the family, including the husbands, wives, and the entire family system. Husbands and wives were given these laws to protect them in every aspect of the marriage, from adultery to having a loveless marriage. The Hammurabi Law gave the husband marital rights to his wife and also protected him when she was at fault in the marriage. On the other hand, The Hammurabi Law gave women fewer rights in marriage, but it also tried to protect them from extremely harsh punishments in marriage.
The family unit was also protected in the Hammurabi’s Law. The husband’s rights and responsibilities in the marriage were stated several times in the Hammurabi Law. If a husband wishes to divorce his wife several laws state that he must pay her as a divorce settlement.” ref

“For example, law 138 states: “If a seignior wishes to divorce his wife who did not bear him children, he shall give her money to the full amount of her marriage­price, and he shall also make good to her the dowry which she brought from her father’s house, and then he may divorce her.” (James). The husband is also protected if he is a poor man with little money with law 140, which states: “If he is a peasant, he shall give her one­third mina of silver.” (James). The husband also was also given almost complete control in deciding what happens to his wife. The husband was able to spare his wife from death, if she was found having sexual relations with another man.” ref

“In law 129, it states that “if a woman is caught having sexual relations with another man that they both will be thrown into the water, but if her husband wishes to spare her life he may do so, then the king must spare the life of the other man.” (James). If the husband is humiliated by his wife, he also may decide to drown her in the water, which is stated in Law 143. The husband has complete control over his wife, even though she may not do so in return. The wife or woman has very few rights in Hammurabi’s Law. If a man decides to have a wife, but does not have a legal contract, then she is not his wife.” ref

“This protects the woman by allowing her to only become a wife to a man with whom she has a legal contract binding her to him. A woman’s only benefit from Hammurabi’s Law was that if she hated her husband so much and declared it, she may take her dowry and return to her father’s home. The woman first had to prove that she was not at fault in the marriage or hatred, which is stated in Law 142. Women were not the only ones protects by Hammurabi’s Law, the family unit was protected as well. The family unit is indirectly protected by Hammurabi’s Law. If a woman humiliates her husband and neglects her house, she will be put to death by drowning, which is stated in Law 143. This protects the family unit but does not allow anyone to embarrass the husband’s family name or anyone else in the family.” ref

“When a woman decides to get a divorce from her husband, she is not allowed to have everything. This allows him to establish another family and protect the one he already has. The family unit is important to the life during the time of Hammurabi’s Law. In conclusion, the husband, wife, and family unit were all considered in the development of Hammurabi’s Law. The husband had the majority of rights during the marriage and was allowed to make the majority of decisions. Women had very few rights in Hammurabi’s Law, but they were essential in their lives. The family unit was indirectly protected in Hammurabi’s Law, but it was needed to protect the husband and wife. Hammurabi’s Law had a great influence on the lives of husbands, wives, and the family unit.” ref

Damien Marie AtHope’s Art

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Roman Family

“The typical Roman family consisted not only of blood relatives, but also slaves, intimate clients, and close friends.” ref

• Roman atrium house – form and function
• Slavery in ancient Rome 
• Marriage in ancient Rome 
• Sexuality in ancient Rome 
• Culture in the Ancient Roman Republic 
• Family in ancient Rome

Etruscan civilization transferred some to Roman civilization

“Etruscans were influential in transforming Rome into an urban center in the 6th century BCE and Roman tradition identifies a family of Etruscans, the Tarquins, as the last dynastic rulers of Rome. Although their civilization was eventually eclipsed by Roman rule, their legacy lived on in Roman customs and culture.” ref 

“The Profound Influence of the Etruscans on Rome: The Etruscans are widely known for being the mysterious neighbors of the Romans. What is not so well known is that they had a profound impact on Rome’s development. The surprising truth is that this “mysterious” nation actually had a profound and lasting impact on the rest of the Western world. The Etruscans were closely involved in the development of early Rome, and many of Rome’s most famous cultural features can be traced back to them. To address this tragic lack of awareness about the importance of the Etruscans, this article will examine some of the many ways in which the Etruscans contributed to Roman society.” ref

“One of the most surprising contributions that the Etruscans made to early Rome was that many ruling-class Roman families (or “patricians”) were actually of Etruscan origin. Examples include the Herminia gens, the Lartia gens, the Tarquitia gens, the Verginia gens, and the Volumnia gens. The word “gens” refers to a group of families who share a common origin. Having an even more direct influence over Rome than just the regular patricians, several of Rome’s early kings are believed to have been Etruscans. According to the best information we have (which admittedly was written centuries after the fact), Rome’s fourth king was Lucius Tarquinius Priscus. He allegedly lived around 600 BCE, not long after Rome was founded. He came to Rome from Tarquinia in Etruria and eventually took power.” ref

“The Etruscan son-in-law of Priscus, a man named Servius Tullius, became the next king, and after Tullius came Lucius Tarquinius Superbus, the son or grandson of Priscus. This final king was then overthrown by Lucius Junius Brutus, who allegedly established the Republic and became the joint-first consul of Rome. His co-consul was Lucius Tarquinius Collatinus. Both Brutus and Collatinus were from Etruscan families. Archaeology has confirmed that the Etruscans were present in Rome from as early as the seventh century BCE. All of this information may go a long way to explaining why Dionysius of Halicarnassus wrote that “many of the historians have taken Rome itself for a Tyrrhenian [Etruscan] city.” ref

“Another fundamental part of society that the Etruscans influenced was the clothing styles of the Romans. The toga in particular was a very distinctive part of Roman dress — perhaps the most distinctive to a modern audience. It is believed that this item of dress originated from the Etruscan tebenna, a long cloak draped over the left shoulder and wrapped around the torso. The tebenna also had stripes, which was likewise adopted by the Romans for their toga.” ref

“The Etruscans also profoundly influenced Roman religion. This is seen partly in the names of the gods. The Etruscan god Uni morphed into the Roman god Juno. The Etruscan Menvra heavily influenced the later Roman Minerva. Even semi-divine heroes from Greek mythology made their way to the Romans through the Etruscans. The Greek Heracles became known to the Etruscans as “Heracle” and “Hercle”. This latter form became “Hercules” to the Romans. It is held that the Etruscans introduced the Romans to the concept of portraying their gods as physical statues. This, in turn, may have encouraged the concept of associating their gods with specific stories and adventures.” ref 

Etruscan Sexuality

“Many Greek and Roman authors, including Theopompus of Chios and Plato, referred to the Etruscans as immoral. During later Roman times, the word Etruscan was almost synonymous with a prostitute, and Livy’s histories moralize about the rape of Lucretia, where Roman women are seen as virtuous model wives in comparison to their liberated Etruscan counterparts. On this site, we shall examine the evidence given by these sources and also from Necropolis art such as the “Tomb of the Bulls” in Tarquinia. Athenaeus, a Greek grammarian of the 3rd Century CE, came too late to give a personal eye-witness account of the Etruscan lifestyle and had to rely instead on the accounts of Timaeus and Theopompus, who both lived in the 4th Century BCE. According to Timaeus: “Among the Etruscans who had become extravagantly luxurious, it is customary for the slave girls to wait on the men naked….” ref

A Greek historian’s account of the behavior of Etruscan women.
Theopompus of Chios, 4th cent. BCE (Histories Book 43)

“Sharing wives is an established Etruscan custom. Etruscan women take particular care of their bodies and exercise often, sometimes along with the men, and sometimes by themselves. It is not a disgrace for them to be seen naked. They do not share their couches with their husbands but with the other men who happen to be present, and they propose toasts to anyone they choose. They are expert drinkers and very attractive. The Etruscans raise all the children that are born, without knowing who their fathers are. The children live the way their parents live, often attending drinking parties and having sexual relations with all the women. It is no disgrace for them to do anything in the open, or to be seen having it done to them, for they consider it a native custom. So far from thinking it disgraceful, they say when someone asks to see the master of the house, and he is making love, that he is doing so-and-so, calling the indecent action by its name.” ref

“When they are having sexual relations either with courtesans or within their family, they do as follows: after they have stopped drinking and are about to go to bed, while the lamps are still lit, servants bring in courtesans, or boys, or sometimes even their wives. And when they have enjoyed these, they bring in boys, and make love to them. They sometimes make love and have intercourse while people are watching them, but most of the time, they put screens woven of sticks around the beds, and throw cloths on top of them.  They are keen on making love to women, but they particularly enjoy boys and youths. The youths in Etruria are very good-looking, because they live in luxury and keep their bodies smooth. In fact, all the barbarians in the West use pitch to pull out and shave off the hair on their bodies. Dionysius of Halicarnassus wrote in the first century BCE: The Tyrrhenians were a people of dainty and expensive tastes, both at home and in the field, carrying about with them, besides the necessities, costly and artistic articles of all kinds designed for pleasure and luxury.” ref

The Tomb of The Bulls, Tarquinia

“Tomb of the Bulls (Tombe dei Tori) in Tarquinia. The frescos on this tomb are characterised by fertility symbols, although the meaning of some of the symbolism is not entirely clear. The panel on the left depicts a heterosexual scene involving two couples, whereas the scene on the right depicts a homosexual scene. This has been variously interpreted. It is noted that the bull on the right has an aggressive pose, whereas the bull on the left is completed passive, which has been interpreted by some authors as a disapproval of homosexuality. Note also that the bulls have human faces, possibly indicating some mythological context.” ref

“A watercolor painting which was painted soon after the discovery of the Tomb of the Bigas in Tarquinia (These frescoes have since almost completely deteriorated). The picture shows an audience of a chariot race and show a homosexual couple making love quite openly in full view of all. This shows that perhaps Etruscan society had a high acceptance level of homosexuality. The city of Pompeii was founded by the Etruscans as part of their expansion in Campania. Although captured by the Samnites in the 4th Century, and later by the Romans, it retained many of the customs introduced by the Etruscans, in common with Capua, the Urbs princeps of the Campania league. We have a very good understanding of sexuality among the Pompeians during the 1st Century CE, although to correlate this with Etruscan habitation of Pompeii requires a trained imagination. In Pompeii, all variations of sexuality were openly and blatantly pursued. Here, homosexuality, group orgies, and even pedophilia were widely accepted as normal behavior. It has been variously argued, that the mores of Pompeii were influenced by the Samnites, the Greeks, or that they reflected the norm in general Etruscan society.” ref

“The tomb of the floggings (tomba della fustigazione) has frescoes which depict erotic scenes, and like those in the Tomb of the Bulls, these may carry an underlying apotropaic theme. On the right hand wall, there are two erotic scenes separated by a prothesis (funerary door). The wall paintings are badly damaged, The scene to the right shows a woman, clad only in a tutulus, bending and holding the hips of a bearded man who faces her with a smile. From behind, the woman is approached by a youth who has one hand on her buttocks and raises a whip with the other hand. On the left side of the prothesis, another woman embraces a young man, while being penetrated from behind by a bearded man. The other walls of the tomb are covered with scenes of musicians, drinking, dancers etc, which suggest the influence of the cult of Dionysus.” ref

“Many Items of pottery from Tarquinia tombs, particularly of the 6th and 5th Century also show such erotic scenes, and tend to back up Theopompus’s view of Etruscan society, however these may be no more than copies of Greek art of the same period. Perhaps the erotic images are part of some wider significance such as a religious festival (cf the Roman festival of Lupercalia, probably the forerunner of Valentine’s Day). The fact that the imagery is used so blatently in tombs tends to reinforce the belief that Etruscan society was much more permissive than other contemporary societies. Some authors have drawn parallels with present day US society, from the perspective of the fact that both are very open societies, and with a high immigrant population. My own opinion is that we should exercise extreme caution when comparing modern societies with their ancient counterparts. While forming such hypotheses, we must also be cogniscant of the changing influences over time. Of the tomb scenes, the Tomb of the Bulls is the oldest, dated at around 520 BCE. The tomb of the floggings is approximately 50 years younger, about the same age as the Tomb of the Bigas.” ref

Livy on Lucretia

“The royal princes sometimes spent their leisure hours in feasting and entertainments, and at a wine party given by Sextus Tarquinius at which Collatinus, the son of Egerius, was present, the conversation happened to turn upon their wives, and each began to speak of his own in terms of extraordinarily high praise. As the dispute became warm Collatinu said that there was no need of words, it could in a few hours be ascertained how far his Lucretia was superior to all the rest. “Why do we not,” he exclaimed, “if we have any youthful vigor about us mount our horses and pay your wives a visit and find out their characters on the spot?” ref

“While other wives were found in various states of wantonness, Lucretia was: “very differently employed from the king’s daughters-in-law, whom they had seen passing their time in feasting and luxury with their acquaintances. She was sitting at her wool work in the hall, late at night, with her, maids busy round her. The palm in this competition of wifely virtue was awarded to Lucretia.” Her virtue only served to make her the target of Sextus Tarquin. Livy goes on to say that: “Sextus Tarquin, inflamed by the beauty and exemplary purity of Lucretia, formed the vile project of effecting her dishonor.” ref

“Sextus Tarquin “went in the frenzy of his passion with a naked sword to the sleeping Lucretia, and placing his left hand on her breast, said, “Silence, Lucretia! I am Sextus Tarquin, and I have a sword in my hand; if you utter a word, you shall die.” When the woman, terrified out of her sleep, saw that no help was near, and instant death threatening her, Tarquin began to confess his passion, pleaded, used threats as well as entreaties, and employed every argument likely to influence a female heart…he threatened to disgrace her, declaring that he would lay the naked corpse of the slave by her dead body, so that it might be said that she had been slain in foul adultery. By this awful threat, his lust triumphed over her inflexible chastity, and Tarquin went off exulting in having successfully attacked her honor.” ref

“Lucretia, overwhelmed with grief at such a frightful outrage, sent a messenger to her father at Rome and to her husband at Ardea, asking them to come to her…” Her husband and father at her side, they attempted to console her, philosophically explaining that: “it is the mind that sins not the body, and where there has been no consent there is no guilt.” Nevertheless, Lucretia could not bear to live with her honour forsaken. “She had a knife concealed in her dress which she plunged into her, heart, and fell dying on the floor. Her father and husband raised the death-cry.” ref

Marriage?

“Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children (if any), and between them and their in-laws. It is nearly a cultural universal, but the definition of marriage varies between cultures and religions, and over time. Typically, it is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually sexual, are acknowledged or sanctioned. In some cultures, marriage is recommended or considered to be compulsory before pursuing sexual activity. A marriage ceremony is called a wedding, while a private marriage is sometimes called an elopement.” ref

“Anthropologists have proposed several competing definitions of marriage in an attempt to encompass the wide variety of marital practices observed across cultures. Even within Western culture, “definitions of marriage have careened from one extreme to another and everywhere in between” (as Evan Gerstmann has put it). Types of marriages: Cohabitation, Concubinage, Common-law marriage, Civil union, Domestic partnership, Arranged marriage, Religious/Spiritual/Faith marriage, Interfaith marriage; Monogamy, Polygamy/Polyandry/Bi-gamy/Polygyny, Group marriage/Polyamory, Child marriage, Same-sex marriage, Temporary/Conditional/Pleasure Marriages, Cohabitation/Common-law marriage, Forced marriage, Bride kidnapping/ Marriage by Abduction/Capture, and Marry-your-rapist law.” ref, ref

“Religions develop in specific geographic and social milieux. Religious attitudes and practices relating to marriage vary, but have many similarities. When asked about what kinds of things are important for a successful marriage, 44% of adults say shared religious beliefs are “very important.” By this metric, shared religion is seen as more important for a good marriage than shared political attitudes, but substantially less important than shared interests, good sex and a fair division of household labor.” ref, ref

“Serial monogamy is the practice of moving from one longer-term sexual partner to another. Burleson MH. Serial monogamy. A serial monogamist could have lots of relationships that last only a short time or several relationships that last a year or more. For example, some serial monogamists may date a series of people one after another, each for a few weeks or months at a time. Others may date someone for a longer period of time but find themselves struggling to stay single when they break up.” ref

“The type, functions, and characteristics of marriage vary from culture to culture, and can change over time. In general there are two types: civil marriage and religious marriage, and typically marriages employ a combination of both (religious marriages must often be licensed and recognized by the state, and conversely civil marriages, while not sanctioned under religious law, are nevertheless respected). Marriages between people of differing religions are called interfaith marriages, while marital conversion, a more controversial concept than interfaith marriage, refers to the religious conversion of one partner to the other’s religion for sake of satisfying a religious requirement.” ref

“Key facts concerning the marriage law in Africa and Asia:

• Marital rape is legal in most parts Africa and Asia alike.
• Child marriage is legal in most parts of Africa and very few parts of Asia.
• Arranged marriage is prevalent in many parts of Africa and Asia alike, especially in rural regions.
• Same-sex marriage is illegal in most parts of Africa and Asia alike, with the exception of South Africa, Taiwan and some dependent territories.
• Polygamy is legal in many parts of Africa and Asia, but tends to be illegal in most communist countries and legal in most Muslim countries
• Divorce is legal in all parts in Africa and Asia (except in the Philippines), but wives seeking divorce have fewer legal rights than husbands in Muslim countries than in communist countries.
• Dowries are a traditional aspect of marriage customs in most rural regions of Africa and Asia alike.” ref

“Some societies permit polygamy, in which a man could have multiple wives; even in such societies however, most men have only one. In such societies, having multiple wives is generally considered a sign of wealth and power. The status of multiple wives has varied from one society to another. In Imperial China, formal marriage was sanctioned only between a man and a woman, although among the upper classes, the primary wife was an arranged marriage with an elaborate formal ceremony while concubines could be taken on later with minimal ceremony. Since the rise of communism, only strictly monogamous marital relationships are permitted, although divorce is a relatively simple process.” ref

“Around the world, there has been a general trend towards ensuring equal rights for women and ending discrimination and harassment against couples who are interethnic, interracial, interfaith, interdenominational, interclass, intercommunity, transnational, and same-sex as well as immigrant couples, couples with an immigrant spouse, and other minority couples. Debates persist regarding the legal status of married women, leniency towards violence within marriage, customs such as dowry and bride price, marriageable age, and criminalization of premarital and extramarital sex.” ref

“Individuals may marry for several reasons, including legal, social, libidinal, emotional, financial, spiritual, cultural, economic, political, religious, sexual, and romantic purposes. In some areas of the world, arranged marriage, forced marriage, polygyny marriage, polyandry marriage, group marriage, coverture marriage, child marriage, cousin marriage, sibling marriage, teenage marriage, avunculate marriage, incestuous marriage, and bestiality marriage are practiced and legally permissible, while others areas outlaw them to protect human rights. Female age at marriage has proven to be a strong indicator for female autonomy and is continuously used by economic history research.” ref

“Marriage can be recognized by a state, an organization, a religious authority, a tribal group, a local community, or peers. It is often viewed as a contract. A religious marriage ceremony is performed by a religious institution to recognize and create the rights and obligations intrinsic to matrimony in that religion. Religious marriage is known variously as sacramental marriage in Christianity (especially Catholicism), nikah in Islam, nissuin in Judaism, and various other names in other faith traditions, each with their own constraints as to what constitutes, and who can enter into, a valid religious marriage.” ref

“The anthropological handbook Notes and Queries (1951) defined marriage as “a union between a man and a woman such that children born to the woman are the recognized legitimate offspring of both partners.” In recognition of a practice by the Nuer people of Sudan allowing women to act as a husband in certain circumstances (the ghost marriage), Kathleen Gough suggested modifying this to “a woman and one or more other persons.” ref

“In an analysis of marriage among the Nayar, a polyandrous society in India, Gough found that the group lacked a husband role in the conventional sense. The husband role, unitary in the west, was instead divided between a non-resident “social father” of the woman’s children, and her lovers, who were the actual procreators. None of these men had legal rights to the woman’s child. This forced Gough to disregard sexual access as a key element of marriage and to define it in terms of legitimacy of offspring alone: marriage is “a relationship established between a woman and one or more other persons, which provides a child born to the woman under circumstances not prohibited by the rules of relationship, is accorded full birth-status rights common to normal members of his society or social stratum.” ref

“Economic anthropologist Duran Bell has criticized the legitimacy-based definition on the basis that some societies do not require marriage for legitimacy. He argued that a legitimacy-based definition of marriage is circular in societies where illegitimacy has no other legal or social implications for a child other than the mother being unmarried. Edmund Leach criticized Gough’s definition for being too restrictive in terms of recognized legitimate offspring and suggested that marriage be viewed in terms of the different types of rights it serves to establish. In a 1955 article in Man, Leach argued that no one definition of marriage applied to all cultures.” ref

“The word marriage appeared around 1300 and is borrowed from Old French mariage (12th century), itself descended from Vulgar Latin maritāticum (11th century), ultimately tracing to the Latin maritātus ‘married’, past participle of maritāre ‘to marry’. The adjective marītus, -a, -um ‘matrimonial, nuptial’ could also be used, through nominalization, in the masculine form as a noun for ‘husband’ and in the feminine form for ‘wife’. The related word matrimony is borrowed from the Old French word matremoine, which appears around 1300 CE and is in turn ultimately a learned borrowing from Latin mātrimōnium, which is derived from māter ‘mother‘ with the suffix -mōnium for an action, state, or condition.” ref

“In a 1997 article in Current Anthropology, Duran Bell describes marriage as “a relationship between one or more men (male or female) in severalty to one or more women that provides those men with a demand-right of sexual access within a domestic group and identifies women who bear the obligation of yielding to the demands of those specific men.” In referring to “men in severalty”, Bell is referring to corporate kin groups such as lineages which, in having paid bride price, retain a right in a woman’s offspring even if her husband (a lineage member) deceases (Levirate marriage). In referring to “men (male or female)”, Bell is referring to women within the lineage who may stand in as the “social fathers” of the wife’s children born of other lovers. (See Nuer “ghost marriage“.)” ref

“The financial aspects of marriage vary between cultures and have changed over time. In some cultures, dowries and bride wealth continue to be required today. In both cases, the financial arrangements are usually made between the groom (or his family) and the bride’s family; with the bride often not being involved in the negotiations, and often not having a choice in whether to participate in the marriage. In Early modern Britain, the social status of the couple was supposed to be equal.” ref

“A dowry is “a process whereby parental property is distributed to a daughter at her marriage (i.e. inter vivos) rather than at the holder’s death (mortis causa)… A dowry establishes some variety of conjugal fund, the nature of which may vary widely. This fund ensures her support (or endowment) in widowhood and eventually goes to provide for her sons and daughters.” In some cultures, especially in countries such as Turkey, India, Bangladesh, Pakistan, Sri Lanka, Morocco, Nepal, dowries continue to be expected. In India, thousands of dowry-related deaths have taken place on yearly basis, to counter this problem, several jurisdictions have enacted laws restricting or banning dowry (see Dowry law in India). In Nepal, dowry was made illegal in 2009. Some authors believe that the giving and receiving of dowry reflects the status and even the effort to climb high in social hierarchy. Direct Dowry contrasts with bride wealth, which is paid by the groom or his family to the bride’s parents, and with indirect dowry (or dower), which is property given to the bride herself by the groom at the time of marriage and which remains under her ownership and control.” ref

“In the Jewish tradition, the rabbis in ancient times insisted on the marriage couple entering into a prenuptial agreement, called a ketubah. Besides other things, the ketubah provided for an amount to be paid by the husband in the event of a divorce or his estate in the event of his death. This amount was a replacement of the biblical dower or bride price, which was payable at the time of the marriage by the groom to the father of the bride. This innovation was put in place because the biblical bride price created a major social problem: many young prospective husbands could not raise the bride price at the time when they would normally be expected to marry. So, to enable these young men to marry, the rabbis, in effect, delayed the time that the amount would be payable, when they would be more likely to have the sum. It may also be noted that both the dower and the ketubah amounts served the same purpose: the protection for the wife should her support cease, either by death or divorce. The only difference between the two systems was the timing of the payment. It is the predecessor to the wife’s present-day entitlement to maintenance in the event of the breakup of marriage, and family maintenance in the event of the husband not providing adequately for the wife in his will. Another function performed by the ketubah amount was to provide a disincentive for the husband contemplating divorcing his wife: he would need to have the amount to be able to pay to the wife.” ref

“Morning gifts, which might also be arranged by the bride’s father rather than the bride, are given to the bride herself; the name derives from the Germanic tribal custom of giving them the morning after the wedding night. She might have control of this morning gift during the lifetime of her husband, but is entitled to it when widowed. If the amount of her inheritance is settled by law rather than agreement, it may be called dower. Depending on legal systems and the exact arrangement, she may not be entitled to dispose of it after her death, and may lose the property if she remarries. Morning gifts were preserved for centuries in morganatic marriage, a union where the wife’s inferior social status was held to prohibit her children from inheriting a noble’s titles or estates. In this case, the morning gift would support the wife and children. Another legal provision for widowhood was jointure, in which property, often land, would be held in joint tenancy.” ref

“Islamic tradition has similar practices. A ‘mahr‘, either immediate or deferred, is the woman’s portion of the groom’s wealth (divorce) or estate (death). These amounts are usually set on the basis of the groom’s own and family wealth and incomes, but in some parts these are set very high so as to provide a disincentive for the groom exercising the divorce, or the husband’s family ‘inheriting’ a large portion of the estate, especially if there are no male offspring from the marriage. In some countries, including Iran, the mahr or alimony can amount to more than a man can ever hope to earn, sometimes up to US$1,000,000 (4000 official Iranian gold coins). If the husband cannot pay the mahr, either in case of a divorce or on demand, according to the current laws in Iran, he will have to pay it by installments. Failure to pay the mahr might even lead to imprisonment.” ref

“Bridewealth is a common practice in parts of Southeast Asia (Thailand, Cambodia), parts of Central Asia, and in much of sub-Saharan Africa. It is also known as brideprice although this has fallen in disfavor as it implies the purchase of the bride. Bridewealth is the amount of money or property or wealth paid by the groom or his family to the parents of a woman upon the marriage of their daughter to the groom. In anthropological literature, bride price has often been explained as payment made to compensate the bride’s family for the loss of her labor and fertility. In some cases, bridewealth is a means by which the groom’s family’s ties to the children of the union are recognized.” ref

“In some countries a married person or couple benefits from various taxation advantages not available to a single person. For example, spouses may be allowed to average their combined incomes. This is advantageous to a married couple with disparate incomes. To compensate for this, countries may provide a higher tax bracket for the averaged income of a married couple. While income averaging might still benefit a married couple with a stay-at-home spouse, such averaging would cause a married couple with roughly equal personal incomes to pay more total tax than they would as two single persons. In the United States, this is called the marriage penalty.” ref

“When the rates applied by the tax code are not based income averaging, but rather on the sum of individuals’ incomes, higher rates will usually apply to each individual in a two-earner households in a progressive tax systems. This is most often the case with high-income taxpayers and is another situation called a marriage penalty. Conversely, when progressive tax is levied on the individual with no consideration for the partnership, dual-income couples fare much better than single-income couples with similar household incomes. The effect can be increased when the welfare system treats the same income as a shared income, thereby denying welfare access to the non-earning spouse. Such systems apply in Australia and Canada, for example.” ref

“A marriage bestows rights and obligations on the married parties, and sometimes on relatives as well, being the sole mechanism for the creation of affinal ties (in-laws). These may include, depending on jurisdiction:

• Giving one spouse or his/her family control over the other spouse’s sexual services, labor, and property.
• Giving one spouse responsibility for the other’s debts.
• Giving one spouse visitation rights when the other is incarcerated or hospitalized.
• Giving one spouse control over the other’s affairs when the other is incapacitated.
• Establishing the second legal guardian of a parent’s child.
• Establishing a joint fund of property for the benefit of children.
• Establishing a relationship between the families of the spouses.” ref

“These rights and obligations vary considerably between societies, and between groups within society. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children, and public declaration of commitment. Marriage is an institution that is historically filled with restrictions. From age, to race, to social status, to consanguinity, to gender, restrictions are placed on marriage by society for reasons of benefiting the children, passing on healthy genes, maintaining cultural values, or because of prejudice and fear. Almost all cultures that recognize marriage also recognize adultery as a violation of the terms of marriage.” ref

“Most jurisdictions set a minimum age for marriage; that is, a person must attain a certain age to be legally allowed to marry. This age may depend on circumstances, for instance exceptions from the general rule may be permitted if the parents of a young person express their consent and/or if a court decides that said marriage is in the best interest of the young person (often this applies in cases where a girl is pregnant). Although most age restrictions are in place in order to prevent children from being forced into marriages, especially to much older partners – marriages which can have negative education and health related consequences, and lead to child sexual abuse and other forms of violence – such child marriages remain common in parts of the world. According to the UN, child marriages are most common in rural sub-Saharan Africa and South Asia. The ten countries with the highest rates of child marriage are: Niger (75%), Chad, Central African Republic, Bangladesh, Guinea, Mozambique, Mali, Burkina Faso, South Sudan, and Malawi.” ref

“To prohibit incest and eugenic reasons, marriage laws have set restrictions for relatives to marry. Direct blood relatives are usually prohibited to marry, while for branch line relatives, laws are wary. Kinship relations through marriage is also called “affinity”, relationships that arise in one’s group of origin, can also be called one’s descent group. Some cultures in kinship relationships may be considered to extend out to those who they have economic or political relationships with; or other forms of social connections. Within some cultures they may lead you back to gods or animal ancestors (totems). This can be conceived of on a more or less literal basis.” ref

“Laws banning “race-mixing” were enforced in certain North American jurisdictions from 1691 until 1967, in Nazi Germany (the Nuremberg Laws) from 1935 until 1945, and in South Africa during most part of the apartheid era (1949–1985). All these laws primarily banned marriage between persons of different racially or ethnically defined groups, which was termed “amalgamation” or “miscegenation” in the U.S. The laws in Nazi Germany and many of the U.S. states, as well as South Africa, also banned sexual relations between such individuals.” ref

“In the United States, laws in some but not all of the states prohibited the marriage of whites and blacks, and in many states, also the intermarriage of whites with Native Americans or Asians. In the U.S., such laws were known as anti-miscegenation laws. From 1913 until 1948, 30 out of the then 48 states enforced such laws. Although an “Anti-Miscegenation Amendment” to the United States Constitution was proposed in 1871, in 1912–1913, and in 1928, no nationwide law against racially mixed marriages was ever enacted. In 1967, the Supreme Court of the United States unanimously ruled in Loving v. Virginia that anti-miscegenation laws are unconstitutional. With this ruling, these laws were no longer in effect in the remaining 16 states that still had them.” ref

“The Nazi ban on interracial marriage and interracial sex was enacted in September 1935 as part of the Nuremberg Laws, the Gesetz zum Schutze des deutschen Blutes und der deutschen Ehre (The Law for the Protection of German Blood and German Honour). The Nuremberg Laws classified Jews as a race and forbade marriage and extramarital sexual relations at first with people of Jewish descent, but was later ended to the “Gypsies, Negroes or their bastard offspring” and people of “German or related blood”. Such relations were marked as Rassenschande (lit. “race-disgrace”) and could be punished by imprisonment (usually followed by deportation to a concentration camp) and even by death. South Africa under apartheid also banned interracial marriage. The Prohibition of Mixed Marriages Act, 1949 prohibited marriage between persons of different races, and the Immorality Act of 1950 made sexual relations with a person of a different race a crime.” ref

“Same-sex marriage is legally performed and recognized in countries such as Andorra, Argentina, Australia, Austria, Belgium, Brazil, Canada, Chile, Colombia, Costa Rica, Cuba, Denmark, Ecuador, Estonia, Finland, France, Germany, Greece, Iceland, Ireland, Luxembourg, Malta, Mexico, the Netherlands, New Zealand, Norway, Portugal, Slovenia, South Africa, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, Taiwan, the United Kingdom, the United States, and Uruguay. Israel recognizes same-sex marriages entered into abroad as full marriages.” ref

“The introduction of same-sex marriage has varied by jurisdiction, being variously accomplished through legislative change to marriage law, a court ruling based on constitutional guarantees of equality, or by direct popular vote (via ballot initiative or referendum). The recognition of same-sex marriage is considered to be a human right and a civil right as well as a political, social, and religious issue. The most prominent supporters of same-sex marriage are human rights and civil rights organizations as well as the medical and scientific communities, while the most prominent opponents are religious groups. Various faith communities around the world support same-sex marriage, while many religious groups oppose it. Polls consistently show continually rising support for the recognition of same-sex marriage in all developed democracies and in some developing democracies. The establishment of recognition in law for the marriages of same-sex couples is one of the most prominent objectives of the LGBT rights movement.” ref

“Number of spouses? Polygyny is widely practiced in mostly Muslim and African countries. In the Middle Eastern region, Israel, Turkey, and Tunisia are notable exceptions. In most other jurisdictions, polygamy is illegal. For example, In the United States, polygamy is illegal in all 50 states. In the late-19th century, citizens of the self-governing territory of what is present-day Utah were forced by the United States federal government to abandon the practice of polygamy through the vigorous enforcement of several Acts of Congress, and eventually complied. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints formally abolished the practice in 1890, in a document labeled ‘The Manifesto‘ (see Latter Day Saint polygamy in the late-19th century). Among American Muslims, a small minority of around 50,000 to 100,000 people are estimated to live in families with a husband maintaining an illegal polygamous relationship. Several countries such as India and Sri Lanka, permit only their Islamic citizens to practice polygamy. Some Indians have converted to Islam in order to bypass such legal restrictions. Predominantly Christian nations usually do not allow polygamous unions, with a handful of exceptions being the Republic of the Congo, Uganda, and Zambia.” ref

“When a marriage is performed and carried out by a government institution in accordance with the marriage laws of the jurisdiction, without religious content, it is a civil marriage. Civil marriage recognizes and creates the rights and obligations intrinsic to matrimony in the eyes of the state. Some countries do not recognize locally performed religious marriage on its own, and require a separate civil marriage for official purposes. Conversely, civil marriage does not exist in some countries governed by a religious legal system, such as Saudi Arabia, where marriages contracted abroad might not be recognized if they were contracted contrary to Saudi interpretations of Islamic religious law. In countries governed by a mixed secular-religious legal system, such as Lebanon and Israel, locally performed civil marriage does not exist within the country, which prevents interfaith and various other marriages that contradict religious laws from being entered into in the country; however, civil marriages performed abroad may be recognized by the state even if they conflict with religious laws. For example, in the case of recognition of marriage in Israel, this includes recognition of not only interfaith civil marriages performed abroad, but also overseas same-sex civil marriages.” ref

“In various jurisdictions, a civil marriage may take place as part of the religious marriage ceremony, although they are theoretically distinct. Some jurisdictions allow civil marriages in circumstances which are notably not allowed by particular religions, such as same-sex marriages or civil unions. The opposite case may happen as well. Partners may not have full juridical acting capacity and churches may have less strict limits than the civil jurisdictions. This particularly applies to minimum age, or physical infirmities. It is possible for two people to be recognized as married by a religious or other institution, but not by the state, and hence without the legal rights and obligations of marriage; or to have a civil marriage deemed invalid and sinful by a religion. Similarly, a couple may remain married in religious eyes after a civil divorce.” ref

“Most sovereign states and other jurisdictions limit legally recognized marriage to opposite-sex couples, and a diminishing number of these permit polygyny marriage, polyandry marriage, group marriage, coverture marriage, arranged marriages, forced marriages, child marriages, cousin marriages, sibling marriages, teenage marriages, avunculate marriages, incestuous marriages, and bestiality marriages. In modern times, a growing number of countries, primarily developed democracies, have lifted bans on, and have established legal recognition for, equal rights for women and the marriages of interethnic, interracial, interfaith, interdenominational, interclass, intercommunity, transnational, and same-sex couples as well as immigrant couples, couples with an immigrant spouse, and other minority couples. In some areas, child marriages and polygamy may occur in spite of national laws against the practice.” ref

• Unusual traditions of the peoples of Russia related to love & sex
• Chukchi practice wife-swapping

“The Chukchi, or Chukchee are a Siberian ethnic group native to the Chukchi Peninsula, the shores of the Chukchi Sea, and the Bering Sea region of the Arctic Ocean all within modern Russia. They speak the Chukchi language. The Chukchi originated from the people living around the Okhotsk Sea. The Chukchi are traditionally divided into the Maritime Chukchi, who had settled homes on the coast and lived primarily from sea mammal hunting, and the Reindeer Chukchi, who lived as nomads in the inland tundra region, migrating seasonally with their herds of reindeer. The Russian name “Chukchi” is derived from the Chukchi word Chauchu (“rich in reindeer”), which was used by the ‘Reindeer Chukchi’ to distinguish themselves from the ‘Maritime Chukchi,’ called Anqallyt (“the sea people”). Their name for a member of the Chukchi ethnic group as a whole is Luoravetlan (literally ‘genuine person’). The anthropologist Marshall Sahlins called the Chukchi “tribes without rulers.” They often lacked formal political structures, but had a formal cosmic hierarchy.” ref

“In Chukchi religion, every object, whether animate or inanimate, is assigned a spirit. This spirit can be either harmful or benevolent. Some of Chukchi myths reveal a dualistic cosmology. The Chukchi marriage process begins when the family of the groom presents gifts to the family of the bride. If the bride’s family accepts the gifts, the prospective groom then moves in with the bride’s family to help with the labor for a year, to prove that he will be an able provider and a good husband to his wife.” ref, ref

“In the past, the Chukchee lived in large, extended families. The head of the family was the one who ensured its subsistence. Many social problems arose for the reindeer-herding Chukchee in connection with the gender-age structure. (There were fewer girls than boys.) Although it has entirely vanished today, polygamy was practiced for a long time. The traditional Chukchee wedding ceremony was rather simple. The bride, accompanied by her close relatives, traveled by reindeer to the bridegroom. At the yaranga they slaughtered a sacrificial reindeer. With the blood of this reindeer they made the family mark of the bridegroom on the bride, the bridegroom, and the relatives present. Interethnic marriages among the Chukchee, in the past as today, have not been a rarity.” ref

“Those between Russian men and Chukchee women predominate. Ethnic affiliation (“nationality”) is defined matrilineally by the majority of Chukchee. A child is usually named two to three weeks after birth. According to Chukchee genealogies, Chukchee first names are extremely old. In each Chukchee settlement or nomadic camp there were a certain number of the most prevalent names. Today the Chukchee system of names follows the norms generally accepted in the Russian Federation (i.e., the family name is taken from the father, the parents give the child a first name, and the patronymic is formed from the father’s first name).” ref

Marriage (n.)

“1300, mariage, “action of entering into wedlock;” also “state or condition of being husband and wife, matrimony, wedlock;” also “a union of a man and woman for life by marriage, a particular matrimonial union;” from Old French mariage“marriage; dowry” (12c.), from Vulgar Latin *maritaticum(11c.), from Latin maritatus, past participle of maritare “to wed, marry, give in marriage” (see marry (v.)). The Vulgar Latin word also is the source of Italian maritaggio, Spanish maridaje, and compare mariachi. Meanings “the marriage vow, formal declaration or contract by which two join in wedlock;” also “a wedding, the celebration of a marriage; the marriage ceremony” are from late 14c. Figurative use (non-theological) “intimate union, a joining as if by marriage” is from late 14c.” ref

marry (v.)

“1300, marien, of parents or superiors, “to give (offspring) in marriage,” also intransitive, “to enter into the conjugal state, take a husband or wife,” from Old French marier“to get married; to marry off, give in marriage; to bring together in marriage,” from Latin marītāre“to wed, marry, give in marriage” (source of Italian maritare, Spanish and Portuguese maridar), from marītus (n.) “married man, husband,” which is of uncertain origin. Perhaps ultimately “provided with a *mari,” a young woman, from PIE *mari-, *mori- “young wife, young woman” (source also of Welsh morwyn “girl, maiden,” Middle Welsh merch “daughter”), akin to *meryo- “young man” (source of Sanskrit marya- “young man, suitor”).” ref

“By early 14c. as “to take (someone) in marriage, take for a husband or wife;” by late 14c. as “become husband and wife according to law or custom; get married (to one another).” Transitive sense, of a priest, etc., who performs the rite of marriage, “to unite in wedlock or matrimony,” by 1520s. Figurative meaning “unite intimately or by some close bond of connection” is from early 15c. Related: Married; marrying. Phrase the marrying kind, describing one inclined toward marriage and almost always used with a negative, is attested by 1824, probably short for marrying kind of men, which is from a popular 1756 essay by Chesterfield.” ref

“In some Indo-European languages there were distinct “marry” verbs for men and women, though some of these have become generalized. Compare Latin ducere uxorem (of men), literally “to lead a wife;” nubere (of women), perhaps originally “to veil” [Buck]. Also compare Old Norse kvangask (of men) from kvan “wife” (see quean), so, “take a wife;” giptask (of women), from gipta, a specialized use of “to give” (see gift (n.)), so, “to be given.” ref 

wedlock (n.)

“Old English wedlac “pledge-giving, marriage vow,” from wed + -lac, noun suffix meaning “actions or proceedings, practice,” attested in about a dozen Old English compounds (feohtlac “warfare”), but this is the only surviving example. Suffix altered by folk etymology through association with lock (n.1). Meaning “condition of being married” is recorded from early 13c.” ref

lock (n.1)

“Lock means of fastening,” Old English loc “bolt, appliance for fastening a door, lid, etc.; barrier, enclosure; bargain, agreement, settlement, conclusion,” from Proto-Germanic *lukana-, a verbal root meaning “to close” (source also of Old Frisian lok “enclosure, prison, concealed place,” Old Norse lok “fastening, lock,” Gothic usluks “opening,” Old High German loh “dungeon,” German Loch “opening, hole,” Dutch luik “shutter, trapdoor”).” ref

“Ordinary mechanical locks work by means of an internal bolt or bar which slides and catches in an opening made to receive it. “The great diversity of meaning in the Teut. words seems to indicate two or more independent but formally identical substantival formations from the root” [OED]. The Old English sense “barrier, enclosure” led to the specific meaning “barrier on a stream or canal” (c. 1300), and the more specific sense “gate and sluice system on a water channel used as a means of raising and lowering boats” (1570s).” ref

“From 1540s as “a fastening together,” hence “a grappling in wrestling” (c. 1600). In firearms, the part of the mechanism which explodes the charge (1540s, probably so called for its resemblance to a door-latching device), hence figurative phrase lock, stock, and barrel (which add up to the whole firearm) “the whole of something” (1842). Phrase under lock and key attested from early 14c.” ref

wed (v.)

“Old English weddian “to pledge oneself, covenant to do something, vow; betroth, marry,” also “unite (two other people) in a marriage, conduct the marriage ceremony,” from Proto-Germanic *wadja (source also of Old Norse veðja, Danish vedde “to bet, wager,” Old Frisian weddia “to promise,” Gothic ga-wadjon “to betroth”), from PIE root *wadh- (1) “to pledge, to redeem a pledge” (source also of Latin vas, genitive vadis “bail, security,” Lithuanian vaduoti “to redeem a pledge”), which is of uncertain origin. The sense has remained closer to “pledge” in other Germanic languages (such as German Wette “a bet, wager”); development to “marry” is unique to English. “Originally ‘make a woman one’s wife by giving a pledge or earnest money’, then used of either party” [Buck]. Passively, of two people, “to be joined as husband and wife,” from c. 1200. Related: Wedded; wedding.” ref

knowledge (n.)

“Early 12c., cnawlece “acknowledgment of a superior, honor, worship;” for the first element see know (v.). The second element is obscure, perhaps from Scandinavian and cognate with the -lock “action, process,” found in wedlock. From late 14c. as “capacity for knowing, understanding; familiarity;” also “fact or condition of knowing, awareness of a fact;” also “news, notice, information; learning; organized body of facts or teachings.” The sense of “sexual intercourse” is from c. 1400. Middle English also had a verb form, knoulechen “acknowledge” (c. 1200), later “find out about; recognize,” and “to have sexual intercourse with” (c. 1300); compare acknowledge.” ref 

Marriage 4,350 years ago?

“The best available evidence suggests that it’s about 4,350 years old. For thousands of years before that, most anthropologists believe, families consisted of loosely organized groups of as many as 30 people, with several male leaders, multiple women shared between them, and children. As hunter-gatherers settled down into agrarian civilizations, society had a need for more stable arrangements. The first recorded evidence of marriage ceremonies uniting one woman and one man dates from about 2350 BCE, in Mesopotamia. Over the next several hundred years, marriage evolved into a widespread institution embraced by the ancient Hebrews, Greeks and Romans. But back then, marriage had little to do with love or with religion.” ref

“Marriage’s primary purpose was to bind women to men, and thus guarantee that a man’s children were truly his biological heirs. Through marriage, a woman became a man’s property. In the betrothal ceremony of ancient Greece, a father would hand over his daughter with these words: “I pledge my daughter for the purpose of producing legitimate offspring.” Among the ancient Hebrews, men were free to take several wives; married Greeks and Romans were free to satisfy their sexual urges with concubines, prostitutes and even teenage male lovers, while their wives were required to stay home and tend to the household. If wives failed to produce offspring, their husbands could give them back and marry someone else.” ref

When did religion become involved?

As the Christian church became a powerful institution in Europe, the blessings of a priest became a necessary step for a marriage to be legally recognized. By the eighth century, marriage was widely accepted in the church as a sacrament, or a ceremony to bestow God’s grace. At the Council of Trent in 1563, the sacramental nature of marriage was written into what is now Roman Catholic canon law.” ref

Did this change the nature of marriage?

Church blessings did improve the lot of wives. Men were taught to show greater respect for their wives, and forbidden from divorcing them. Christian doctrine declared that “the twain shall be one flesh,” giving husband and wife exclusive access to each other’s body. This put new pressure on men to remain sexually faithful. But the church still held that men were the head of families, with their wives deferring to their wishes.” ref

When did love enter the picture?

“Later than you might think. For much of human history, couples were brought together for practical reasons, not because they fell in love. In time, of course, many marriage partners came to feel deep mutual love and devotion. But the idea of romantic love, as a motivating force for marriage, only goes as far back as the Middle Ages. Naturally, many scholars believe the concept of romantic spousal love was “invented” by the French. The model was the knight who felt intense love for someone else’s wife, as in the case of Sir Lancelot and King Arthur’s wife, Queen Guinevere. Twelfth-century advice literature told men to woo the object of their desire by praising her eyes, hair and lips. In the 13th century, Richard de Fournival, physician to the king of France, wrote “Advice on Love,” in which he suggested that a woman cast her love flirtatious glances — “anything but a frank and open entreaty.” ref

Did love change marriage?

“It sure did. Marilyn Yalom, a Stanford historian and author of “A History of the Wife,” credits the concept of romantic love with giving women greater leverage in what had been a largely pragmatic transaction. Wives no longer existed solely to serve men. The romantic prince, in fact, sought to serve the woman he loved. Still, the notion that the husband “owned” the wife continued to hold sway for centuries. When colonists first came to America — at a time when polygamy was still accepted in most parts of the world — the husband’s dominance was officially recognized under a legal doctrine called “coverture,” under which the new bride’s identity was absorbed into his. The bride gave up her name to symbolize the surrendering of her identity, and the husband suddenly became more important, as the official public representative of two people, not one. The rules were so strict that any American woman who married a foreigner immediately lost her citizenship.” ref

How did this tradition change?

“Women won the right to vote. When that happened, in 1920, the institution of marriage began a dramatic transformation. Suddenly, each union consisted of two full citizens, although tradition dictated that the husband still ruled the home. By the late 1960s, state laws forbidding interracial marriage had been thrown out, and the last states had dropped laws against the use of birth control. By the 1970s, the law finally recognized the concept of marital rape, which up to that point was inconceivable, as the husband “owned” his wife’s sexuality. “The idea that marriage is a private relationship for the fulfillment of two individuals is really very new,” said historian Stephanie Coontz, author of “The Way We Never Were: American Families and the Nostalgia Trap.” “Within the past 40 years, marriage has changed more than in the last 5,000.” ref

Men who Married Men

“Gay marriage is rare in history — but not unknown. The Roman emperor Nero, who ruled from A.D. 54 to 68, twice married men in formal wedding ceremonies, and forced the Imperial Court to treat them as his wives. In second- and third-century Rome, homosexual weddings became common enough that it worried the social commentator Juvenal, said Yalom. “Look — a man of family and fortune — being wed to a man!” Juvenal wrote. “Such things, before we’re very much older, will be done in public.” He mocked such unions, saying that male “brides” would never be able to “hold their husbands by having a baby.” The Romans outlawed formal homosexual unions in the year 342. But Yale history professor John Boswell says he’s found scattered evidence of homosexual unions after that time, including some that were recognized by Catholic and Greek Orthodox churches. In one 13th-century Greek Orthodox ceremony, the “Order for Solemnisation of Same Sex Union,” the celebrant asked God to grant the participants “grace to love one another and to abide unhated and not a cause of scandal all the days of their lives, with the help of the Holy Mother of God and all thy saints.” ref

The only thing that causes rape, is a rapist.

Bride Kidnapping or Marriage by Abduction

• Rape, Sexism, and Religion?
• David’s Punishment for Rape? God’s “Forgiveness and Baby Killing ” (2 Samuel 12:11-14)
• Discussing Ancient North Eurasians migrations: genetics, religion, and rape; (rape 25,000 years ago?) from a lingering patriarchal past, can we find a humanistic secular feminist future?
• Gender inequality, Violence, Rape, Kidnapping, Torture, and Death in Papua New Guinea (Modern Witch Hunting)

“Bride kidnapping, also known as marriage by abduction or marriage by capture, is a practice in which a man abducts and rapes the woman he wishes to marry. Bride kidnapping (hence the portmanteau bridenapping) has been practiced around the world and throughout prehistory and history, among peoples as diverse as the Hmong in Southeast Asia, the Tzeltal in Mexico, and the Romani in Europe. Bride kidnapping still occurs in various parts of the world, but it is most common in the Caucasus, Central Asia, and some parts of Africa.” ref

“Marriage by capture was practiced in ancient cultures throughout the Mediterranean area. It is represented in mythology and history by the tribe of Benjamin in the Bible; by the Greek hero Paris stealing the beautiful Helen of Troy from her husband Menelaus, thus triggering the Trojan War; and by the Rape of the Sabine Women by Romulus, the founder of Rome.” ref

“In 326 CE, the Emperor Constantine issued an edict prohibiting marriage by abduction. The law made kidnapping a public offence; even the kidnapped bride could be punished if she later consented to a marriage with her abductor. Spurned suitors sometimes kidnapped their intended brides as a method of restoring honor. The suitor, in coordination with his friends, generally abducted his bride while she was out of her house in the course of her daily chores. The bride would then be secreted outside the town or village. Though the kidnapped woman was sometimes raped in the course of the abduction, the stain on her honor from a presumptive consummation of the marriage was sufficient to damage her marital prospects irreversibly. Sometimes, the abduction masked an elopement.” ref

“The custom of fuitina was widespread in Sicily and continental southern Italy. In 1965, this custom was brought to national attention by the case of Franca Viola, a 17-year-old abducted and raped by a local small-time criminal, with the assistance of a dozen of his friends. When she was returned to her family after a week, she refused to marry her abductor, contrary to local expectation. Her family supported her, and suffered severe intimidation for their efforts. The kidnappers were arrested, and the main perpetrator was sentenced to 11 years in prison.” ref

The exposure of this “archaic and intransigent system of values and behavioural mores” caused great national debate. In 1968, Franca married her childhood sweetheart, with whom she would later have three children. Conveying clear messages of solidarity, Giuseppe Saragat, then president of Italy, sent the couple a gift on their wedding day, and soon afterwards, Pope Paul VI granted them a private audience. A 1970 film, La moglie più bella (The Most Beautiful Wife) by Damiano Damiani and starring Ornella Muti, is based on the case. Viola never capitalised on her fame and status as a feminist icon, preferring to live a quiet life in Alcamo with her family. The law allowing “rehabilitating marriages” (also known as marry-your-rapist law) to protect rapists from criminal proceedings was abolished in 1981.” ref

“In Catholic canon law, the impediment of raptus specifically prohibits marriage between a woman abducted with the intent to force her to marry, and her abductor, as long as the woman remains in the abductor’s power. According to the second provision of the law, should the woman decide to accept the abductor as a husband after she is safe, she will be allowed to marry him. The canon defines raptus as a “violent” abduction, accompanied by physical violence or threats, or fraud or deceit. The Council of Trent insisted that the abduction in raptus must be for the purpose of marriage to count as an impediment to marriage.” ref

“There have been cases of Coptic Christian women and girls abducted, forced to convert to Islam, and then married to Muslim men. The practice has increased with the rise of Salafist networks under president Abdel Fattah Saeed Hussein Khalil el-Sisi, who pay as much as $3000 for every Coptic Christian woman kidnapped, raped, and married to a Muslim man.” ref

“In most nations, bride kidnapping is considered a sex crime because of the implied element of rape, rather than a valid form of marriage. Some types of it may also be seen as falling along the continuum between forced marriage and arranged marriage. The term is sometimes confused with elopements, in which a couple runs away together and seeks the consent of their parents later. In some cases, the woman cooperates with or accedes to the kidnapping, typically in an effort to save face for herself or her parents. In many jurisdictions, this used to be encouraged by so-called marry-your-rapist laws. Even in countries where the practice is against the law, if judicial enforcement is weak, customary law (“traditional practices”) may prevail.” ref

Bride kidnapping is often (but not always) a form of child marriage. It may be connected to the practice of bride price, wealth paid by the groom and his family to the bride’s parents, and the inability or unwillingness to pay it. Bride kidnapping is distinguished from raptio in that the former refers to the abduction of one woman by one man (and his friends and relatives), and is still a widespread practice, whereas the latter refers to the large scale abduction of women by groups of men, possibly in a time of war. Raptio was assumed to be a historical practice, hence the Latin term, but the 21st century has seen a resurgence of war rape, some of which has elements of bride kidnapping; for example, women and girls abducted by Boko Haram in Nigeria, the Lord’s Resistance Army in Uganda and ISIS in the Middle East have been taken as wives by their abductors.” ref

Rituals indicating a symbolic bride kidnapping still exist in some cultures (such as Circassians), as part of traditions surrounding a wedding. According to some sources, the honeymoon is a relic of marriage by capture, based on the practice of the husband going into hiding with his wife to avoid reprisals from her relatives, with the intention that the woman would be pregnant by the end of the month.” ref

Though the motivations behind bride kidnapping vary by region, the cultures with traditions of marriage by abduction are generally patriarchal with a strong social stigma on sex or pregnancy outside marriage and illegitimate births. In some modern cases, the couple colluded to elope under the guise of a bride kidnapping, presenting their parents with a fait accompli. In most cases, however, the men who resort to capturing a wife are often of lower social status, because of poverty, disease, poor character, or criminality. They are sometimes deterred from legitimately seeking a wife because of the payment the woman’s family expects, the bride price (not to be confused with a dowry, paid by the woman’s family).” ref

“In agricultural and patriarchal societies, where bride kidnapping is most common, children work for their families. A woman leaves her birth family, geographically and economically, when she marries, becoming instead a member of the groom’s family. (See patrilocality for an anthropological explanation.) Due to this loss of labor, the women’s families do not want their daughters to marry young, and demand economic compensation (the aforementioned bride price) when they do leave them. This conflicts with the interests of men, who want to marry early, as a marriage, means an increase in social status, and the interests of the groom’s family, who will gain another pair of hands for the family farm, business, or home.” ref

“Depending on the legal system under which she lives, the consent of the woman may not be a factor in judging the validity of the marriage. In addition to the issue of forced marriage, bride kidnapping may have other negative effects on young women and their society. For example, fear of kidnap is cited as a reason for the lower participation of girls in the education system. The mechanism of marriage by abduction varies by location. This article surveys the phenomenon by region, drawing on common cultural factors for patterns, but noting country-level distinctions.” ref

“Bride kidnapping is prevalent in many regions of Ethiopia. According to surveys conducted in 2003 by the National Committee on Traditional Practices in Ethiopia, the custom’s prevalence rate was estimated at 69 percent nationally, and highest in the Southern Nations, Nationalities and People’s Region at 92 percent. A man working in co-ordination with his friends may kidnap a girl or woman, sometimes using a horse to ease the escape. The abductor will then hide his intended bride or bring her to his family and rape her, sometimes in front of his family, until she becomes pregnant. As the father of the woman’s child, the man can claim her as his wife.” ref

“Subsequently, the kidnapper may try to negotiate a bride price with the village elders to legitimize the marriage. Girls as young as eleven years old are reported to have been kidnapped for the purpose of marriage. Though Ethiopia criminalised such abductions and raised the marriageable age to 18 in 2004, the law has not been well implemented. A 2016 UNICEF evidence review (based on data from 2010 and 2013) estimated that 10 to 13 percent of marriages in the highest risk areas involved abduction, with rates of 1.4 percent to 2.4 percent in lower risk areas of the country. The bride of the forced marriage may suffer from the psychological and physical consequences of forced sexual activity and early pregnancy and the early end to her education. Women and girls who are kidnapped may also be exposed to sexually transmitted diseases such as HIV/AIDS.” ref

“Forced marriages continue to be a problem for young girls in Kenya. The United States Department of State reports that children and young teenaged girls (aged ten and up) are sometimes married to men two decades older. Marriage by abduction used to be, and to some extent still is, a customary practice for the Kisii ethnic group. In their practice, the abductor kidnaps the woman forcibly and rapes her in an attempt to impregnate her. The “bride” is then coerced through the stigma of pregnancy and rape to marry her abductor. Though most common in the late 19th century through the 1960s, such marriage abductions still occur occasionally.” ref

“The Turkana tribe also practiced marriage by abduction. In this culture, bridal kidnapping (akomari) occurred before any formal attempts to arrange a marriage with a bride’s family. According to one scholar, a successful bridal kidnapping raised the abductor’s reputation in his community, and allowed him to negotiate a lower bride price with his wife’s family. Should an attempted abductor fail to seize his bride, he was bound to pay a bride price to the woman’s family, provide additional gifts and payments to the family, and to have an arranged marriage (akota).” ref

“Bride-kidnapping is prevalent in areas of Rwanda. Often the abductor kidnaps the woman from her household or follows her outside and abducts her. He and his companions may then rape the woman to ensure that she submits to the marriage. The family of the woman either then feels obliged to consent to the union, or is forced to when the kidnapper impregnates her, as pregnant women are not seen as eligible for marriage. The marriage is confirmed with a ceremony that follows the abduction by several days. In such ceremonies, the abductor asks his bride’s parents to forgive him for abducting their daughter. The man may offer a cow, money, or other goods as restitution to his bride’s family.” ref

“Bride-kidnap marriages in Rwanda often lead to poor outcomes. Human rights workers report that one third of men who abduct their wives abandon them, leaving the wife without support and impaired in finding a future marriage. Additionally, with the growing frequency of bride-kidnapping, some men choose not to solemnize their marriage at all, keeping their “bride” as a concubine. Bride kidnapping is not specifically outlawed in Rwanda, though violent abductions are punishable as rape. According to a criminal justice official, bride kidnappers are virtually never tried in court: “When we hear about abduction, we hunt down the kidnappers and arrest them and sometimes the husband, too. But we’re forced to let them all go several days later,” says an official at the criminal investigation department in Nyagatare, the capital of Umutara. Women’s rights groups have attempted to reverse the tradition by conducting awareness raising campaigns and by promoting gender equity, but the progress has been limited so far.” ref

“The practice is known as ukuthwalwa or simply thwala in the Nguni-speaking tribes. (The Basotho call it tjhobediso.) Among Zulu people, thwala was once an acceptable way for two young people in love to get married when their families opposed the match, and so it was actually a form of elopement. Thwala has been abused, however, “to victimize isolated rural women and enrich male relatives.” In Central Asia, bride kidnapping exists in Kyrgyzstan, Kazakhstan, Turkmenistan, and Karakalpakstan, an autonomous region of Uzbekistan. Though origin of the tradition in the region is disputed, the rate of nonconsensual bride kidnappings appears to be increasing in several countries throughout Central Asia as the political and economic climate changes.” ref

“Despite its illegality, with the practice being subjected to stricter crackdowns in 2013, which punish it by a prison sentences of up to 10 years, in many primarily rural areas, bride kidnapping, known as ala kachuu (to take and flee), is an accepted and common way of taking a wife. The matter is somewhat confused by the local use of the term “bride kidnap” to reflect practices along a continuum, from forcible abduction and rape (and then, almost unavoidably, marriage), to something akin to an elopement arranged between the two young people, to which both sets of parents have to consent after the act. Bride kidnappings that involve rape do so to psychologically force the would-be bride to accept her kidnapper and his family’s pressure to marry him, since if she then refuses she would never be considered marriageable again. Of 12,000 yearly bride kidnappings, approximately 2,000 women reported that they had been raped by the would-be groom. However, the United Nations Development Programme disputes that bride kidnapping is part of the country’s culture or tradition, and considers it a human rights violation.” ref

“Estimates of the prevalence of bride kidnapping vary, sometimes widely. A 2015 crime victimization survey included the kidnapping of young women for marriage. Fourteen percent of married women answered that they had been kidnapped; two-thirds of these cases had been consensual, in that the woman knew the man and had agreed with it up front. This means that about five percent of extant marriages are cases of Ala Kachuu. A 2007 study published in the Central Asian Survey concluded that approximately half of all Kyrgyz marriages included bride kidnapping; of those kidnappings, two-thirds are non-consensual.” ref

“Research by non-governmental organizations give estimates from a low of 40% to between 68 and 75 percent. Although the practice is illegal, bride kidnappers are rarely prosecuted. This reluctance to enforce the code is in part caused by the pluralistic legal system, where many villages are de facto ruled by councils of elders and aqsaqal courts following customary law, away from the eyes of the state legal system. Aqsaqal courts, tasked with adjudicating family law, property and torts, often fail to take bride kidnapping seriously. In many cases, aqsaqal members are invited to the kidnapped bride’s wedding and encourage the family of the bride to accept the marriage.” ref

“In Kazakhstan, bride kidnapping (alyp qashu) is divided into non-consensual and consensual abductions, kelisimsiz alyp qashu (“to take and run without agreement”) and kelissimmen alyp qashu (“to take and run with agreement”), respectively. Though some kidnappers are motivated by the wish to avoid a bride price or the expense of hosting wedding celebrations or a feast to celebrate the girl leaving home, other would-be husbands fear the woman’s refusal, or that the woman will be kidnapped by another suitor first. Generally, in nonconsensual kidnappings, the abductor uses either deception (such as offering a ride home) or force (such as grabbing the woman, or using a sack to restrain her) to coerce the woman to come with him. Once at the man’s house, one of his female relatives offers the woman a kerchief (oramal) that signals the bride’s consent to the marriage.” ref

“Though in consensual kidnappings, the woman may agree with little hesitation to wear the kerchief, in non-consensual abductions, the woman may resist the kerchief for days. Next, the abductor’s family generally asks the “bride” to write a letter to her family, explaining that she had been taken of her own free will. As with the kerchief, the woman may resist this step adamantly. Subsequently, the “groom” and his family generally issues an official apology to the bride’s family, including a letter and a delegation from the groom’s household. At this time, the groom’s family may present a small sum to replace the bride-price.” ref

“Though some apology delegations are met cordially, others are greeted with anger and violence. Following the apology delegation, the bride’s family may send a delegation of “pursuers” (qughysnshy) either to retrieve the bride or to verify her condition and honour the marriage. A recent victimization survey in Kazakhstan (2018) included the crime of kidnapping of young women for marriage. 4% of married women answered that they were kidnapped at the time and that two-thirds of these cases were consensual, the woman knew the man and had agreed with it up front. This means that about 1-1.5% of current marriages in Kazakhstan are the result of non-consensual abductions.” ref

“In Karakalpakstan, an autonomous region in Uzbekistan, nearly one fifth of all marriages are conducted by bride kidnapping. Activist groups in the region tie an increase in kidnappings to economic instability. Whereas weddings can be prohibitively expensive, kidnappings avoid both the cost of the ceremony and any bride price. Other scholars report that less desirable males with lower education levels or suffering from drug abuse or alcoholism are more likely to kidnap their brides. Bride kidnapping sometimes originates out of a dating relationship and, at other times, happens as an abduction by multiple people.” ref

“Bride abduction also occurred in Tibetan history, sometimes involving ceremonial mock abductions or as a bargaining procedure. In Bali tradition, Ngerorod is the tradition of abducting women for marrying when the caste of the man is lower than the woman. as the Balinese caste order -from higher to lower- is: 1. Brahmanas 2. Satrias 3. Wesias 4. Sudras. The process from ‘kidnapping’ to marriage ritual is usually done in 3 steps (usually completed in 3 days):

1. Kidnapping the woman
2. Sending a messenger to inform the woman’s family
3. The marriage” ref

“After the marriage, the woman will change or remove her name prefix which reflects her caste before the marriage. In modern days, this practice is still going on with more permissive manner, like the woman parents know in advance when the kidnapping will happen, when the messenger will come, and when and where the marriage will take place. This tradition is also practiced by Balinese not living in Bali: Balinese living in Lombok island, Balinese living in Lampung, etc. In Lombok, the Sasak people have a marriage tradition called merariq , which is a marriage tradition involving ‘elopement.’ In this tradition, a man will kidnap or run away a girl to be his wife before performing the wedding ritual.” ref

“Marriage by abduction also occurs in traditional Hmong culture, in which it is known as zij poj niam. As in some other cultures, bride kidnapping is generally a joint effort between the would-be groom and his friends and family. Generally, the abductor takes the woman while she is alone. The abductor then sends a message to the kidnap victim’s family, informing them of the abduction and the abductor’s intent to marry their daughter. If the victim’s family manage to find the woman and insist on her return, they might be able to free her from the obligation to marry the man. However, if they fail to find the woman, the kidnap victim is forced to marry the man. The abductor still has to pay a bride price for the woman, generally an increased amount because of the kidnapping. Because of this increased cost (and the general unpleasantness of abduction), kidnapping is usually only a practice reserved for a man with an otherwise blemished chance of securing a bride, because of criminal background, illness or poverty.” ref

“Occasionally, members of the Hmong ethnic group have engaged in bride kidnapping in the United States. In some cases, the defendant has been allowed to plead a cultural defense to justify his abduction. This defense has sometimes been successful. In 1985, Kong Moua, a Hmong man, kidnapped and raped a woman from a Californian college. He later claimed that this was an act of zij poj niam and was allowed to plead to false imprisonment only, instead of kidnapping and rape. The judge in this case considered cultural testimony as an explanation of the man’s crime.” ref

“Until the 1940s, marriage by abduction, known as qiangqin (Chinese: 搶親; pinyin: qiǎngqīn), occurred in rural areas of China. Though illegal in imperial China, for rural areas it often became a local “institution”. According to one scholar, marriage by abduction was sometimes a groom’s answer to avoid paying a bride price. In other cases, the scholar argues, it was a collusive act between the bride’s parents and the groom to circumvent the bride’s consent.” ref

“Chinese scholars theorize that this practice of marriage by abduction became the inspiration for a form of institutionalised public expression for women: the bridal lament. In imperial China, a new bride performed a two- to three-day public song, including chanting and sobbing, that listed her woes and complaints. The bridal lament would be witnessed by members of her family and the local community. In recent years bride kidnapping has resurfaced in areas of China. In many cases, the women are kidnapped and sold to men in poorer regions of China, or as far abroad as Mongolia. Reports say that buying a kidnapped bride is nearly one tenth of the price of hosting a traditional wedding. The United States Department of State tie this trend of abducting brides to China’s one-child policy, and the consequent gender imbalance as more male children are born than female children.” ref

“Bride trafficking has become a pressing issue in China, stemming from the country’s historical one-child policy and a cultural preference for male offspring, which has resulted in a significant gender imbalance. Consequently, numerous Chinese men are encountering difficulties in finding suitable partners. Due to the insecurity prevailing in some parts of China, a trade has emerged involving the trafficking of women and girls from neighboring nations. For years, it appeared that the Chinese government’s primary response to mounting allegations of complicity by authorities in these crimes was to turn a blind eye.” ref

“In Buraku of Kochi, there was the custom of bride kidnapping named katagu (かたぐ). According to a study conducted by Kunio Yanagita, a scholar of Folklore in Japan, three patterns of bride kidnapping are known to have existed in Japan:

• A man and his cooperators kidnap a woman without notifying her parents;
• Bride kidnapping that may occur after parents forbid marriage out of fear for their daughter’s social reputation;
• Bride kidnapping as an alternative path to marriage for couples unable to pay for a typical wedding.
• Marriage in the pre-Columbian Americas
• Polygamy among Indigenous people of northern West Siberia in ethnographic and early census materials

“The practice of kidnapping children, teenagers and women from neighbouring tribes and adopting them into the new tribe was common among Indigenous peoples of the Americas. The kidnappings were a way of introducing new blood into the group. Captured European women sometimes settled down as adopted members of the tribe and at least one woman, Mary Jemison, refused rescue when it was offered.” ref

“Helena Valero, a Brazilian woman kidnapped by Amazonian Indians in 1937, dictated her story to an Italian anthropologist, who published it in 1965. The trope of the captured Indigenous (great, great) grandmother is a standard origin myth for many white Brazilian families, captured in the widely use phrase “my (great, great) grandmother was an Indian caught in the rope” (the phrase Índia pega no laço). The phrase reflect “in part” the facts of centuries of female abductions by colonialists that continued even into the 20th century. For example, in a paper discussing the phrase, Indigenous academic Mirna P Marinho da Silva Anaquiri reports a quote from a teacher in Goiânia interviewed as part of her fieldwork:

As a child I witnessed an Indian woman arriving at the farm where my father worked, tied to the tail of a horse. The guy riding on the horse, and her, tied with a rope to the horse’s tail; this – for me – is that image. And this “pega no laço” [caught in the lasso] is so generalized that it seems common, natural – nobody is shocked…. ..They… locked her in this wooden box.. ..This happened in 1961, I was four years old.— A teacher in Goianápolis, reported in Anaquiri, 2018″ ref

“Cases exist within some Mormon Fundamentalist communities around the Utah-Arizona border; however, accurate information is difficult to obtain from these closed communities. Most of these cases are usually referred to as forced marriages, although they are similar to other bride kidnappings around the world. Among the Tzeltal community, a Mayan tribe in Chiapas, Mexico, bride kidnapping has been a recurring method of securing a wife. The Tzeltal people are an indigenous, agricultural tribe that is organized patriarchally. Premarital contact between the sexes is discouraged; unmarried women are supposed to avoid speaking with men outside their families. As with other societies, the grooms that engage in bride kidnapping have generally been the less socially desirable mates.” ref

“In the Tzeltal tradition, a girl is kidnapped by the groom, possibly in concert with his friends. She is generally taken to the mountains and raped. The abductor and his future bride often then stay with a relative until the bride’s father’s anger is reported to have subsided. At that point, the abductor will return to the bride’s house to negotiate a bride-price, bringing with him the bride and traditional gifts such as rum. The largest Comanche raids into Mexico took place from 1840 to the mid-1850s, when they declined in size and intensity. The captured Mexican girls often became one of several wives of Comanche men.” ref

“Among the Mapuche of Chile, the practice was known as casamiento por capto in Spanish, and ngapitun in Mapudungun. Contemporary chronicler Alonso González de Nájera writes that during the Destruction of the Seven Cities in southern Chile Mapuches took over 500 Spanish women as captives. In the case of the women it was, in the words of González de Nájera, “to exploit them”. The capture of women initiated a tradition of abductions of Spanish women in the 17th century by Mapuches.” ref

“Bride kidnapping is an increasing trend in the countries and regions of the Caucasus, both in Georgia in the South and in Dagestan, Chechnya and Ingushetia in the North. In the Caucasian versions of bride-kidnapping, the kidnap victim’s family may play a role in attempting to convince the woman to stay with her abductor after the kidnapping, because of the shame inherent in the presumed consummation of the marriage. The Dagestan, Chechnya, and Ingushetia regions in the Northern Caucasus (in Russia) have also witnessed an increase in bride kidnappings since the fall of the Soviet Union. As in other countries, kidnappers sometimes seize acquaintances to be brides and other times abduct strangers. The social stigma of spending a night in a male’s house can be a sufficient motivation to force a young woman to marry her captor.” ref 

“Under Russian law, though a kidnapper who refuses to release his bride could be sentenced to eight to ten years, a kidnapper will not be prosecuted if he releases the victim or marries her with her consent. Bride captors in Chechnya are liable, in theory, to receive also a fine of up to 1 million rubles. As in the other regions, authorities often fail to respond to the kidnappings. In Chechnya, the police failure to respond to bridal kidnappings is compounded by a prevalence of abductions in the region. Several such kidnappings have been captured on video. Researchers and non-profit organisations describe a rise in bride kidnappings in the North Caucasus in the latter half of the 20th century. In Chechnya, women’s rights organizations tie the increase in kidnappings to a deterioration of women’s rights under the rule of Chechen president Ramzan Kadyrov.” ref

“In Azerbaijan, both marriage by capture (qız qaçırmaq) and elopement (qoşulub qaçmaq) are relatively common practices. In the Azeri kidnap custom, a young woman is taken to the home of the abductor’s parents through either deceit or force. Regardless of whether rape occurs or not, the woman is generally regarded as impure by her relatives, and is therefore forced to marry her abductor. Despite a 2005 Azeri law that criminalized bride kidnapping, the practice places women in extremely vulnerable social circumstances, in a country where spousal abuse is rampant and recourse to law enforcement for domestic matters is impossible. In Azerbaijan, women abducted by bride kidnapping sometimes become slaves of the family who kidnap them.” ref

“In Georgia, bride kidnapping occurs in the south of the country mostly concentrated in and around the town of Akhalkalaki ethnic minority areas. Although the extent of the problem is not known, non-governmental activists estimate that hundreds of women are kidnapped and forced to marry each year. In a typical Georgian model of bride kidnapping, the abductor, often accompanied by friends, accosts the intended bride, and coerces her through deception or force to enter a car. Once in the car, the victim may be taken to a remote area or the captor’s home. These kidnappings sometimes include rape, and may result in strong stigma to the female victim, who is assumed to have engaged in sexual relations with her captor.” ref 

“Women who have been victims of bride kidnapping are often regarded with shame; the victim’s relatives may view it as a disgrace if the woman returns home after a kidnapping. In other cases, the kidnapping is a consensual elopement. Human Rights Watch reports that prosecutors often refuse to bring charges against the kidnappers, urging the kidnap victim to reconcile with her aggressor. Enforcing the appropriate laws in this regard may also be a problem because the kidnapping cases often go unreported as a result of intimidation of victims and their families.” ref

“Bride kidnapping has been documented as a marital practice in some Romani community traditions. In the Romani culture, girls as young as twelve years old may be kidnapped for marriage to teenaged boys. As the Roma population lives throughout Europe, this practice has been seen on multiple occasions in Ireland, England, the Czech Republic, the Netherlands, Bulgaria, and Slovakia. The kidnapping has been theorized as a way to avoid a bride price or as a method of ensuring exogamy. The tradition’s normalization of kidnapping puts young women at higher risk of becoming victims of human trafficking.” ref

“The 12th-century Norman invasion of Ireland was invited by an instance of wife-stealing: in 1167, the King of Leinster, Diarmait Mac Murchada, had his lands and kingship revoked by order of the High King of Ireland, Ruaidrí Ua Conchobair, as punishment for abducting the wife of another king in 1152. This led Diarmait to seek the assistance of King Henry II of England in order to reclaim his kingdom. The abduction of heiresses was an occasional feature in Ireland until 1800, as illustrated in the film The Abduction Club.” ref

“In 2015, Malta was criticized by Equality Now, for a law which, in certain circumstances, can extinguish the punishment for a man who abducts a woman if, following the abduction, the man and woman get married. (Article 199 and Article 200 of the Criminal Code of Malta) The article was ultimately abolished by Act XIII of 2018, Article 24.” ref

“East Slavic tribes practiced bride kidnapping in the 11th century. The traditions were documented by the monk Nestor. According to the Primary Chronicle, the Drevlians captured wives non-consensually, whereas the Radimichs, Viatichi, and Severians “captured” their wives after having come to an agreement about marriage with them. The clergy’s increase in influence may have helped the custom to abate. Marriage by capture occurred among the South Slavs until the beginning of the civilisation in the 1800s in Yugoslavia. Common in Serbia, Montenegro, Croatia and Bosnia-Herzegovina, the custom was known as otmitza.” ref

“The practice was mentioned in a statute in the Politza, the 1605 Croatian legal code. According to Serbian folk-chronicler Vuk Karadzic, a man would dress for “battle” before capturing a woman. Physical force was a frequent element of these kidnappings. Bride kidnapping was also a custom in Bulgaria. With the consent of his parents and the aid of his friends, the abductor would accost his bride and take her to a barn away from the home, as superstition held that pre-marital intercourse might bring bad luck to the house. Whether or not the man raped his bride, the abduction would shame the girl and force her to stay with her kidnapper to keep her reputation. As in other cultures, sometimes couples would elope by staging false kidnappings to secure the parents’ consent.” ref

Wedding as orgy

“Freud also noted that in “numerous examples of marriage ceremonies, there can be no doubt that people other than the bridegroom, for example his assistants and companions (our traditional ‘groomsmen’), were granted full sexual access to the bride”. To his followers, “the wedding as orgy, with the bride taking on all the men present, is the clear historical reality behind the modern jokes… and the climactic line-up or ‘gang’-kissing of the bride, by all the men present.” In such a view, “other examples of sacred or permitted public coitus of all women with all men do survive, in similarly modified ‘kissing’ form”, as under the mistletoe “to revive the dying sun at the winter solstice, when the strongest human ‘life-magic’, namely ritual intercourse, is to be deployed.” ref

“To the sociologist looking upon “sexual intercourse as interaction ritual… sexual intercourse is the ritual of love; it both creates and recreates the social tie (since Durkheimian rituals need to be repeated periodically, as solidarity runs down), and symbolizes it”. In similar fashion, Margot Anand has pointed out that “rituals pervade our daily life and give it a sense of ceremony and celebration (…) a ritual, through your own unique symbolic gestures… will help you transform your lovemaking into a special and sacred act.” Erving Goffman has noted, however, “the considerable informational delicacy of this form of interaction”, and how “individuals may use darkness to ensure strategic ambiguity.” ref

“In perversion, sexual rituals may emerge as a necessary part of sexual activity. For the criminologist, “sexual ritual involves repeatedly engaging in an act or series of acts in a certain manner because of a sexual need”. Within a relationship, “the Compulsive libido type takes advantages of opportunities to use the specific sexual ritual that causes intense arousal, and in its stronger form, the Compulsive lover can only arouse using the sexual object or ritual”. In any relationship, however, “a sexual habit that becomes routine or stylized… can lead to a sexual ritual”, so that “if you don’t have a way to talk to your partner about your sexual relationship, you may find yourself… stuck in sexual rituals that could be limiting your sexual enjoyment”: as a wife might say, “Same old technique, same old Lewis. It’s you all right, I’d know that old routine anywhere.” Thus one’s sex life may all “be about rituals: the ritual of sex in the morning, or the ritual of sex at night; and the ritual of sex at anniversaries, and the ritual of sex at Christmas.” ref

“In the Buddhist art of India, Bhutan, Nepal, and Tibet, yab-yum is the male deity in sexual union with his female consort. The symbolism is associated with Anuttarayoga tantra where the male figure is usually linked to compassion (karuṇā) and skillful means (upāya-kauśalya), and the female partner to ‘insight’ (prajñā). The symbolism of union and sexual polarity is a central teaching in Tantric Buddhism, especially in Tibet. The union is realized by the practitioner as a mystical experience within one’s own body. Yab-yum is generally understood to represent the primordial (or mystical) union of wisdom and compassion. Tantric Buddhism is itself an outcrop of Tantrism, advanced techniques of which included “the ritual sex act (Maithuna) which was a feature of Tantric yoga.” Given that “sex is holy to a Tantric… Tantric art, writings and religious rituals glorify sex.” ref